I love to laugh!

Today has been a good day. I have laughed so much. I don't know why, but it has felt really good. This last week was our hardest just because I have been so sick and Jar was gone, but I am feeling better every day and things are easier when there is another adult in our house. I love to laugh! I love laughter in general. I love the sound of my kids laughter I think the best. Especially when they are laughing together.

The other day, both girls were on the couch and they both were holding one of the boys. Macey was holding Walker and I can't remember what he did, maybe pull her hair or something, but she started to laugh the hardest I have ever seen her laugh. Then Mackie joined in. Mackie has the most contagious laugh. She is a giggler and I love the sound of it. It always makes me smile. Hearing Macey laugh like that always takes me by surprise. As a baby, you could not get her to laugh. She would smile, but she would not laugh. It definitely took a lot of effort. Now she will laugh much easier, but to hear her laugh uncontrollably is the best. You know, the laugh that starts so hard it's silent...it's the best. Seeing my two girls hysterically laughing while holding their two new born brothers was priceless. It is one of those memories that will be a favorite forever.

I love to listen to other people laugh. I love those deep hearty laughs. I like ones that stand out. You know those people that the loud laugh when you go to a funny movie in the theater? I love those. I married one of those.

I love looking back at the moments that caused all of the laughter. Like this morning. I laughed so hard. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard. I had to contain myself though because my throat is still a bit raw and I didn't want to make it worse. But I still enjoyed it! Even now, just thinking about the word "blade" makes me laugh. Seriously, I am sitting here laughing like a big old dork. I wish Jar wouldn't have erased my picture though. Oh man, I am laughing even harder now.

So yeah. I love to laugh! Today was a great reminder of how much I love it. It was a good reminder to make sure I laugh more often. The last 6 weeks have been awesome. Newborn babies bring joy into our lives and that is what I have been feeling, but I haven't been laughing. I know you don't have to laugh to be happy, but laughing sure does feel good! I need to do it more, especially with my family! It totally brings people together in a memorable way!

I'm so glad when daddy comes home.....

For those if you who don't know, hubby works away from home. He works up north. He flies there and is gone for a week and then he is home for a week. It's a great job and a great schedule for us. We are very grateful for his job and how it has helped us in so many ways. There are times though it is hard being the only parent for a week.
It's only been a year that he has been up there, so we are still adjusting to him being gone. Actually, I think we are still adjusting to him being home for a week more than anything :)
This has been one of those weeks where it would be nice to not be a single married mom....or is it married single mom? Anyways, there was a lot going on with Mackie's school and the boys are high maintenance and I course I got sick. A bit of the flu this weekend and now a sore throat and a bad cough is on it's way. I sound worse than I really am though. We didn't do school today again because i hadn't slept and the girls are still fighting their coughs and sound like they might be getting a bit worse instead of better. Even the boys are getting a bit stuffy.
I am very behind this week in the house cleaning and laundry. I have little time in between feedings to do anything, especially when I am in need of a nap! I don't mind having things a bit out of order, but we have company this weekend and I would live to have things clean and organized a bit better. That is why I am glad Jar is getting home tonight. Now I just need to figure out if I should get him to clean or take care of babies?

Apparently it's everyone's business

My milk supply that is. I was asked by 5 different people in less than 24 hrs this weekend about my milk supply. I was asked by every single person if I had enough. Ummmmm, no. I just like to half feed my babies. That is why they are so fussy all the time and not growing at all. I really wish there was a font for sarcasm. I think that might be my million dollar idea right there!

Anyways, I find it odd that people think it's perfectly normal to ask a question like that. I didn't really mind, I just thought it was weird. Some were complete strangers, others were acquaintances, and others were friends. If you are reading this and were one of the people that asked, don't feel bad. This isn't what this post is meant to do. I just find that having twins has brought on a plethora of questions that I either don't know how to answer or don't see why it's anyone's business. Seriously, you want to know if I have enough milk? Is it not obvious? Do people think I am a bad mom and am starving my kids because I don't supplement with formula? Yeah, that's right....I breastfeed exclusively. I'm bad-A like that. I know people aren't really thinking that, they are just curious. It's not bad, but nobody questioned my milk with either of my girls.

So, yes! I have enough milk! I could feed another baby with all the milk I have. The woman's body is an amazing thing and will supply the milk as long as there is a demand for it. I am burning over 1000 calories a day just from nursing 2 babies. I have to benefit in the weight loss department from it, but they are only 4 weeks old. I'm thinking by the time they are 6 months I should definitely see some rewards for nursing twins!

I know you want to know more. I get asked all the time if I need help when I'm nursing.....just to clarify, they are offering their help. Now, again, I do not have any one or two people in mind. You have no idea how many times in the last 4 weeks people have asked me this, so once again, if you think this is about you, it's not. Again, I know people are just concerned and just truly want to help, but I don't know how they plan on helping me nurse them. Unless they have milk of their own, but that's just nasty. I think they just want to hold one of them while I feed the other, but I nurse them at the same time. Yes, two at once. I have two arms and two boobs. It only makes sense. People will look at me like I am crazy or incompetent when I tell them I nurse them at the same time, but it works for me. People don't believe me when I say that I am doing good and that I don't need anything or any help doing something. Right now, I REALLY am good. These boys are awesome and they have been way easier than I could have imagined. I'm sure it won't last, but for now I am just enjoying their sweetness.

Things really couldn't be going better with them. The girls are great helpers and they love their little brothers. We are all just enjoying the simpleness of life and how things have slowed down a bit. I'm glad I don't have a busy schedule. It would not work with how I like to mother my kids. I love being the mom and being the one to do things for them and with them. Yes, I am a milk cow for now, but it is great and I wouldn't want it any other way. Things went perfectly for me in the nursing department and I am grateful for that!

PS - This wasn't meant to offend or to discourage people from asking questions. I don't mind telling people things. Not much is a secret. I just find it odd that people ask questions that I have never had before, just because there is two of them :)

The babies are sleeping!

Quick! The babies are sleeping and I am downstairs on the computer! Hopefully I can type fast enough to get an update posted.

This is probably the 3rd time I have been on the computer in the last month. I just don't have time. It is really weird to do nothing really, but be busy at the same time. The boys are so good, but they take up a lot of time.

Yesterday was their actual due date, so they are still little and they are just starting to wake up a bit. They were late preemies, but you could tell they were early because they just acted a bit different. This last week they have blossomed into little babies. It's been fun to watch!

They nurse really well! It's actually been easier than nursing one baby in some ways. I have to nurse more because I don't have them on a schedule, I just do it as a supply and demand kinda thing. But, I don't have to worry about engorgement. They take care of that really well for me :) And I don't know if it's because they were littler and didn't have as strong suction power, but I didn't get nearly as sore when I started nursing as I did with my girls. I remember getting scabs the first week with Macey. Ouch!

They are sleeping alright. The last couple of nights they have been doing the cluster feed thing until about 2-3 in the morning and then sleeping really good during the day. They don't wake up at night, but they just want to feed and feed and feed. It gets frustrating a bit, but I just keep telling myself it's just a phase. It's harder at night with twins, because Coop likes to snuggle and Walker doesn't really care either way for now. So, if Walker is hungry and Coop's sleeping, all the moving around wakes him up. If I put Coop in his sleeping spot, he will wake up grunting within a few minutes until I feed him again. So we are still working on that situation. I'm hoping to switch their cluster feed times to earlier in the day, but I'm not too sure if it's going to be possible. At least not for awhile anyways.

So, a regular day is pretty boring around here. We sit on the couch and feed babies. Then burp them. Then change them and then feed again. Once they fall asleep I either try and sleep or just relax. Unless it's time to eat, then I put them in their swings and quickly get something put together for Macey and I. That is when I try and do a quick clean up too. Then it's feeding, changing, and burping all over again. I have to fit showering in there somewhere too. This is going to sound gross, but I sweat after I have babies. Real bad. Constantly. It's nasty. It has gotten better, but I feel sticky and gross all the time. I really like my showers! For some reason though, those boys know when I am doing something else and they just don't like it! A lot of times it's shower and get dressed and that's it. I brush my hair and pull it up into a wet ponytail. I feel so glamorous!

They really are pretty awesome! I just wish they slept a bit better at night instead of during the day, but that's not really a big deal. I sometimes wonder what they would be like as a single baby. I can't even imagine right now how easy they would be if they were on their own. They are so good together, it would be a breeze with just one! Yeah, right.

Jar is on his way home right now from work. He is gone for a week at a time. It wasn't that bad. My mom came down for the weekend, so that was nice. We waited to go grocery shopping until she got here. I haven't ventured out yet with all 4 kids by myself. It's just a bit too crazy for that right now. They only time I went out by myself with the boys is when I had to be at the hospital at midnight for my antibiotics. And it was just them for about an hour. We will be planning our schedule around Jar's work and my mom being around. It's stuff like this that REALLY makes me wish we lived somewhere else. Maybe one day!

So that's pretty much it. We don't do a lot, but it is busy all at the same time. It's great! I am so grateful that I have this opportunity! I love that I can be a stay at home mom. It is challenging, but so rewarding. I love newborns and I love watching my kids grow! I am not a perfect mom, far from, but I am constantly learning from these kids. They are the best! I am truly blessed in life :)

They are here Pt 2

I need to type out the hospital stay before I forget things! I know I have already forgotten some things, but I hope I can remember the things I would like to.

So once I got settled into the room, they did the glucose tests. The nurses had me a bit worried. Not that they wouldn't pass, but that it was important that they did pass or else I would have to supplement them. I know that's not a big deal, but I REALLY hate it when someone (especially medical professionals) tell me I have to do something I don't want to. I know most of them are just doing their job and I am extremely grateful for hopsitals and medicine, but I have had experiences where the staff and medicine made it worse and if they would have just let things be, everything would be fine. The experience I think most about is when Mackie was born. I went in because my water broke, but it was late at night. They gave me drugs to help me sleep so I could rest up to have energy. The drugs stopped my labor. They tried to induce me, but I had a reaction to the Pitocin and had a contraction that wouldn't stop for 45 minutes. I was in distress, the baby was in distress, so I had to have an emergency C-section and I had to be put out. I missed her birth and didn't get to see her for over an hour after she was born. All because of medicine and interfering. So, that is why I'd rather not have too many people try to tell me what I need to do. I do understand that sometimes it is absolutely necessary, but sometimes their protocol is just stupid.

Anyways, I really didn't want to have to supplement as soon as they were born if I didn't have to. Luckily I didn't. They passed both tests and were free and clear for awhile. For the whole day it seemed, we were constantly being checked up on. It was hourly for the first while and then it decreased to 4, but it still seemed like it was quicker than that. We were so lucky to have such great nurses though. They were very friendly and very helpful. We had a few visitors that day. I know I slept through some of them. I was soooo tired! Between the drugs and lack of sleep, I kept going in and out of sleep the whole afternoon. The first night was decent. The nurse asked why I slept with my babies and if I did that all the time. I was going to be mad if they weren't going to let me keep them in bed with me. I told her I always slept with my babies and I really didn't feel like getting out of bed to get them when they needed to eat or be changed. She was okay with that answer and nothing else came of it.

The next day was slower in the morning. It was nice to just enjoy them. Then around 2 the visitors started coming. They didn't stop until 8 that night. It was great to see everyone and it was nice to have everyone leave too. By the end I just wanted some peace and quiet and some alone time. And sleep! That night I had a nurse that I strongly disliked. She was young and looked like she would be fine. At first I didn't mind her, but then she started talking to the boys and was telling them to stop crying while she was checking their temps and whatever else they do when they check them. She used a tone of voice that you would use on an adult. She was very cold. I tried to overlook it, but she made it really hard. The boys had to have their car seat tests done that night. She took Cooper first. They have to sit in their car seats for an hour without their heartbeats and oxygen levels dropping too low. Cooper passed his and Walker failed. What she didn't tell us was that he failed because he had a lot of phlegm the first couple of days and had one of his episodes trying to get some out while he was in his chair. It would have been nice to know. Oh well, he passed with flying colors the next night with a much nicer nurse.

The thing that really ticked me off though was they came to me and told me they were close to getting to the point of losing 10% of their weight. They said I needed to supplement so they wouldn't get down to that because then they would have to go to NICU and have IV's. So I said that I would do supplements, but I wouldn't do bottle. She said that was fine, she would go and get a nurse to help her do it. I said that I could do it. I had already fed them by cup the day before and it went just fine. Then she told me she didn't think it was protocol and she would have to check. Pretty sure she didn't even check with someone. In came her and another nurse and they started to feed them. I was not impressed. I didn't say anything, but looking back, I really wish I would have. After she had left, they still needed some more supplements, and what do you know? I cup fed them both myself in less time it took for the two of them to do it at the same time. And none of the nurses said anything whatsoever to me that I was not allowed to feed my own babies. Imagine that!

 Pretty sure that was the only nurse that I really did not like. Everyone else was fabulous and left me alone to do things myself for the most part. The last night we were there I did have to feed them by bottle for 3 or 4 feeds. Cooper had dropped below the 10% weight loss and Walker was at the 10%. If they weren't up by the time they got weighed in the morning, they wouldn't be allowed to go home. I figured giving them a bottle a couple of times is way better than staying in the hospital, so that's what we did. First I would nurse for 10 minutes. I didn't go any longer because they didn't want them to get tired too fast. Then I bottle fed them 30 cc of formula. I pumped whatever was left over and fed it to them the next time they ate. I would nurse, bottle feed the pumped milk and then the formula. By the morning they had gained enough to go home. I did let one of the nurses help me feed the babies though. She was one of my first nurses and she was super sweet. She was asking me questions and it came up that the twins were due to fertility. She seemed a little relieved and said "So, it actually does work for people."

I thought that was a weird response. We kept talking and she told me that she had been trying for a long time to get pregnant and they were thinking about going on fertility drugs. I told her I could never have worked in the maternity wing when I was at that point. I asked her how she could not hate all the woman that she was taking care of, because I know I would have. She told me that she actually really enjoyed it. I suppose it was because she got to hold babies all the time when she was there, so kinda like a baby fill. That wouldn't work for me, but I'm glad it does for her. So, I did let her help bottle feed one of the boys when it was time to eat.

The next nurse I asked if I was going to have the same night nurse and I told her a bit what had happened and she told me not to worry, if she was going to be there, she wouldn't be my nurse for the night. I was happy about that. I don't know if that got around, but that night I was awake and needed to walk around. I took the boys for a walk to get some ice water and the other nurse that fed one of the boys looked at me and quickly looked away. I found the kitchen and noticed a room with some rocking chairs, so we went and sat in there for around an hour and just cuddled. It was so nice!

Later that morning, the big weigh in was happening. I was nervous. I really didn't want to stay anymore. They both had gone up though, so we were allowed to hit the road! It was awesome! Jar came and picked us up and we stopped and grabbed some Subway in Fort Macleod. Then we hit Walmart to pick up my prescriptions and then we went home to pick up Mackie from school. It was a long day, but it was great to be home so fast with my boys!

We were pretty lucky in everything. Jar was home and was able to stay at the hospital with me. He didn't stay the last night because it was Sunday and Mackie wanted to go to school and my mom had to be back at work the next day. So he took them home for the night and drove back in. We had lots of support and help. I still can't believe how perfectly everything went. I am truly grateful for that.

Of course, it couldn't be all perfect......I ended up having a lot of pain a few days ago, but thought nothing of it because I had just had a C-section. I started to feel ill and get a fever, so we went in to the hospital and the started to treat me for a uterus infection. That was Sunday night. I have been to the hospital every 8 hrs since. The first night we were there for about 3 hrs. Yesterday morning it was about 3.5 hrs. I had to have blood work done and couldn't leave until they got the results back. This morning I had to get some x-rays. Everything seems fine though and the antibiotics seem to be working. I don't feel as bad anymore, just some pain. Hopefully though tomorrow morning will be my last time and then I can continue on with pills. At least it's nothing major. It's more of an inconvenience than anything. I'd rather it be me than the boys, so I'll take it. I'm just glad it happened when it did, while Jar is home. He's home for another week, so I hope everything gets sorted out by then!


I did say I would try and have pictures. I still don't have them off my phone, but I have some from my sister-in-law from when they visited.

 They are so stinkin cute! I love how it looks like Walker is about to bite Cooper.

 This one is from my phone. I have 4 kids!

They are here!

I am not pregnant anymore!!! Yippeee! Although, it is a bit weird that I haven't been pregnant for 5 days now and I kinda miss it a bit. Just a bit. I already have forgotten exactly what it felt like. Kinda sad.

Anyways, detail, details....Cooper Hatch Mallard and Walker Grant Mallard joined our family on Friday, September 21, 2012 at 02:39 and 02:40. It was very quick and unexpected.....well to an extent. We knew they were coming sometime soon, but just didn't know at that moment in time it was going to be then. I will explain....

It really couldn't have gone more perfectly really. There were some things that I wanted to happen before they came and they were good boys and waited until I was ready. They waited for their daddy to get home, they waited for their sister to have school pictures, they waited until after 36 weeks to come, and they came at the beginning of the weekend! They already love their momma!!!

Jar got home and the doctor told me that as soon as he did to start doing some brisk walking to help get prepared for their arrival. So I did. And it sucked. That whole week I had been having some back pain and cramping and some contractions, but nothing regular, so I knew it would be quick once I started to try and get things going. So on Wednesday we were in Pincher so I could get my haircut. Jar took Macey to Walmart while I was there. It was a fast cut and so I started walking towards Walmart. It's not too far, but Walmart is on the higher side of the hill than the salon. So I called Jar and got his voicemail. I left a message saying I was done and I was walking and that he needed to come and get me. He didn't. I got to the big steep hill. I saw that the other side of the road had the nice paved walk way that wasn't as steep as the path I had. I couldn't make up my mind if I should cross and take the longer way or just keep going. I kept going. That hill would have been bad on a regular day. I'm sure I gave a few passerby's some good laughs.You're welcome! I finally got a hold of Jar and told him to get me because I was almost at the hospital. When I got to the hospital I saw Jar pulling up and I was so relieved! He kept driving for some reason. Frustrated, I called him again to ask why he drove on by. He said he couldn't see me. Uh huh. You couldn't see the huge pregnant lady waddling down the street. Right. He finally got to me and when I got in I could barely move! It was horrible! The contractions were painful. Well, the contraction was painful. It was just one long cramp. It finally died down and I had some contraction for a bit, but they died down. I think we headed into Lethbridge after we picked up Mackie from school, but I honestly don`t remember what we did. I just remember thinking we were going to be in there for 3 days in a row. Maybe we didn`t go in. My brain is still mush.

We did go in on Thursday. We planned on going out to Buffalo Jump for the day to do some walking around. By the time we left and got close, there wasn`t much time to see anything there, so we continued in to Lethbridge. We stopped and picked up some munchies at Extra Foods in Fort Macleod. I got some hot pepperonis to spice things up. Oh, right, we were in Lethbridge the night before because Jar`s sister and her husband and baby were in town, so we went in to have supper with them. Jar wanted me to have hot wings to try and get things going, but they weren`t all that hot. Anyways, we went to the mall and kinda walked around. We almost got snagged into buying a bunch of Apple stuff. An iPad, and apple tv, a notebook. All that good stuff. We left and went to Henderson to play at the park and walk around. We let the girls play for a bit and then we decided to head home. I was having the same cramps and aches as usual. I was also having contractions, but they didn`t hurt. They wouldn`t go away though either. I started to time them. They were happening about every 4-5 minutes. We got out of Lethbridge and it just didn`t seem right to be leaving Lethbridge when I was feeling like this. The contractions were just too regular. I just thought it was weird that they didn`t hurt. So while we were driving I tried putting my chair back to change position. Contractions still came. I told Jar that we might have to turn around and go to the hospital, just to get things checked out. I told him I wanted to wait until Fort Macleod and I would get out and stand up to see if that helped get rid of the contractions. We got there and after having a few more standing up we decided to head back. We dropped the girls off at our friends house. It was just before 10 at night. I was so glad that it wasn`t in the middle of the night! We got the girls put into bed and we left.

When we got to the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors to watch the contractions. I was having them alright. They were still kinda sporadic though and not super strong. They checked me and I was 3 cm. They decided to keep me in over night and see if I progressed or not. The contractions kept coming, but they were short and irregular and not painful. After awhile, the nurse came back in and I said that they were getting to be a bit more painful and I thought they might be getting stronger, but I wasn`t too sure. So they hooked me back up and watched again. I felt like such an idiot. It felt like those times when you have something wrong with you and you go to the doctor and once you`re there, your symptoms mysteriously vanish. She just sat there and watched and then she asked me if I had felt those contractions. I told her I felt maybe 2 that were a bit more painful. So she checked me again and told me I was 5 cm! I couldn`t believe it! This was it! This was happening! I asked if this was when I would be getting an epidural. She said it was and she was going to go talk to the doctor. Within minutes the doctor was in my room and she told me she didn`t want to me to labor anymore. She wasn`t comfortable doing a VBAC on twins. The chances of my uterus rupturing were high and that can lead to bad things. I was a bit disappointed, but I knew I wasn`t going to be comfortable if she wasn`t, so I said okay. I asked how long it would be until we went in. I was thinking somewhere along the lines of an hour or two. She said 20 minutes. The room was already being prepped! So within 5 minutes I thought I wasn`t in labor to being in labor and having a C-section now. It was crazy!

Jar called both our parents and we got ready to go in. I was excited. I was nervous. When we got into the OR, there weren`t too many people in there. Yet. They gave me the spinal and I laid back on the table. It was so uncomfortable. I started to get dizzy from lying on my back that long. It was the weirdest feeling being numb from the waist down. I could feel them touching me and could feel where my toes were, but I couldn`t move them. It was neat, frustrating, scary. More people started to pile into the room. Baby A`s station was being set up by my head and Baby B`s station was being set up on the other side of the room. Jar had a chair by my head and they put the curtain up. The doctor asked if I could feel any pain. When I said no, she said good, because she was poking my stomach with a very sharp object. Oh good. It was working! She then proceeded to cut me open. It seemed like they were digging around forever in there. It was probably only 5 minutes, but when you`re already feeling sick from the pressure on your blood supply, and people are pushing around in there, it doesn`t really help. I was a mental struggle to keep calm during it all. Finally I heard her say they had Baby A out. And then I heard him cry. I instantly teared up. I also felt a huge difference in my stomach. Just a big hole where one human being used to be. Not long after Baby B was out and crying as well!

We could see Baby A on his table. He was being checked out and all of the sudden he stopped crying. The doctors and nurses started to move a bit quicker and put as mask on him. We had no idea what was going on. They were suctioning him and pumping the air into him and flicking him. He finally started to cry again and all was well. He had apparently breathed in some fluid that he shouldn`t have, but once it was out, he was fine. It was scary though. They brought him over and they brought Baby B over. They were so beautiful! They started to cry in unison and everyone oooohed and aaahed over them. When they were both pulled out, all I heard was Wow! What a big boy! I was a proud mom!

They took the babies up to NICU while I recovered. Jar went with them. I felt helpless and alone, but I was so happy at the same time. I hated not knowing what was going on, how they were doing....they needed me!
Once I got sewn up I went into recovery. The nurses were great in there and soon enough I was headed up to the room. They had told me how much the boys had weighed. Cooper, who was Baby A, had weighed 6 lbs 3 oz and Walker, Baby B, was 5 lbs 11 oz. They were doing good and they would be able to come into my room with me! I was so happy that they didn`t need to be in NICU!

I got to my room and waited for them to get there. Once they finally came in I just wanted to hold them! They were so little! They were perfect! The rest of the night was full of them being checked out and myself being checked. We had no sleep. They passed their glucose test though, so that was great! I had to express milk though and cup feed them their first feeding because they were just too tired to do it themselves. But it was enough to help them pass their tests and not be poked and prodded anymore than was necessary. They both started nursing that day though and did very well! I was so happy. I was really nervous of them not having that reflex yet and that nursing would be an issue. They really couldn`t have done better!

I think I will stop here for now and continue on with the hospital stay for next time. It`s late and I need my sleep!! I will hopefully have pictures put on my computer to put up on here as well!

Wooohoooo!

Alright, I have attempted to blog a few times in the last little while and they never get published. I've been too mentally stressed out that everything seems so down in the dumps and grumpy. Jar is home now though, I've made it past 36 weeks and it was picture day today and Mackinley made it to that. So, everything that I was worried about has come and gone. You have no idea how awesome it is feeling!

Up until this day I had a plan of how today would go. Jar would go home and I would be all over anything natural that I thought would help these babies come out! Now the day has gotten here and to be honest, I'm soooo nervous! This is really happening! I'm feeling a bit nauseous right now and I don't know if it's my nerves or just not feeling too good.

Jar actually got to come home last night. The company he works for is awesome! We love them! They have treated us, well Jar, very well and yes, he works up north and is away from home, but it has been a blessing for our family in many ways. Once they heard that I had a bad night Monday night and almost called him to come home, they flew him home. Plus he gets his next set off. And it's all paid! I am really grateful for the job he has and the stability it has brought into our lives. His other job was good too, but there were things about it that were hard on our family. Like going on strike for 3 months. That sucked. Anyways, that's not what I'm blogging about today. We love the company that Jar works for! Thank you!

Yesterday I tried to sleep pretty much all day because I had a horrible night Monday. I had an appointment Monday and a good friend offered to watch the girls for me while I went in. I asked if she minded if I did some running around while I was in there, because I figured it would be one of the last times I would be able to do that for awhile. She also cooked supper for us! It was really nice. Anyways, I did some running around which included a Costco trip....without kids! I definitely took my time. Partly to enjoy the moment and also because I can't really walk all that fast :) By the end of the day I was beat. I had showered and got ready that morning, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but I have to sit then stand, then sit then stand, and so on. I get tired and dizzy doing either and so it takes a lot of energy and a lot longer to do. So I had exerted myself that day with not a lot of lying down like I am supposed to. So that night I woke up around 2 am with cramps and back aches and wasn't feeling too good. I wasn't having contractions though, so I tried to sleep, but I couldn't get the aching to stop while lying down. I got up and packed somethings just in case. I knew I had to let Jar know sometime within the next few hours so he could make the morning flight if he had to. Nothing ever did happen, but I was up most of the night. I did get some sleep in the morning and I stayed in bed most of the day. It was much needed! Feeling better now, so that is good!

Today the doctor's office called and told me that my doctor wasn't going to be able to see me next week anymore. I knew he was going to be gone this week and would be back working at the hospital next week and in the office next Thursday. I had my appointment to see him for Friday and I was not too happy with that. I was really hoping to have a C-section booked for that day, but it wouldn't be happening if that was when I saw him. And no, I don't HAVE to have a C-section. I think though that if I got to the 38 week mark he would want me to have one because they won't induce me because of my sensitivity to the drugs. I don't think I'll make it that far, but I didn't think I'd make it this far either, so who knows. Anyways, I was a bit disappointed as well because there would be no membranes being stripped until then. The doctor on Monday did the GBS swab, but didn't do an internal because she didn't want to irritate things while Jar was gone. So, I was feeling helpless and frustrated with the whole thing and when they called me this morning they booked me to see a doctor. A different one again and I see him on Monday! I was quite happy with that! I'm hoping if I am still pregnant by then he will strip those membranes and set up a C-section date for me. My original doctor won't be delivering these babies at all, so it doesn't matter who books it now. Which is kinda nice! That is one more thing that is knocked off my mentally stressed list!

I've been up and at em today trying to get things cleaned up and ready just in case. I'm also hoping it kinda gets things going a bit. I figure I can try eating all the different foods that supposedly help bring on labor, accupressure, and lots of walking! Maybe today we'll go for chinese food for lunch! Which reminds me, we are going into town today because I booked an appointment to get my haircut! I figure I better get it done now because I'm pretty sure it's going to be awhile before I'll be able to have another one. If they came today I would be ready and that feels great!

BRING.IT. ON!

35 weeks

I am going to apologize right off the bat for my whining and complaining. The last week has been pretty tough. This next week is going to be worse. I am mentally and physically exhausted and I find it hard to be happy. Well, pleasant. I find myself wondering why I said this or that, or why I got mad at something so stupid.

I am grateful that I am still pregnant as much as I am hating it right now. I am still doing good, but I have around 11 lbs of baby in this belly. It is painful and each day it seems to get worse. My back and hips have held up though, so that is good! At least when these babies do come, it won't be one big baby!

Right now my huge struggle is that Jar is about to leave in 2 hrs until next Wednesday. A whole week! He will be exactly 1000 kms away. If I go into labor while he is gone, he will be flown back early, but might not make it in time. As much as that would suck and I would feel bad for him, I am mostly worried about getting to the hospital. My mom will be here for the weekend, so that will be good, but I'm not looking forward to the drive into Lethbridge. I am not allowed to go to the hospital in Pincher, just in case you are wondering. They will just ship me to lethbridge, and the time wasted in getting checked in and getting the ambulance, is time that I could probably be in the city already. I am only supposed to go to pincher if I think that the babies are coming right now.

So, yeah. I am not looking forward to the next week. Plus, every night just seems to get worse and worse. I have broken out in a rash and I am extremely itchy all over. My doctor said I need to keep an eye on it and he'll run some tests if it doesn't get better. Something to do with my gall bladder apparently. I'm not worried about it, but the itchiness is so bad I can't sleep. I know it's almost over and I will forget how I am feeling soon, but it is really hard when you are in the middle of it.

I feel bad for complaining, because life really is good. I have been extremely blessed this pregnancy. Doubly! I look around at other peoples' trials and I wouldn't want to trade. But it sometimes doesn't help when I am huge and uncomfortable and hurting and tired and emotional and......well, you get the picture. And this rant is for me. I just need to clear my head and this seems like a great way to do it.

While I am ranting I might as well get it all out there......I am so very tired of people telling me how hard this is going to be and how much help I am going to need and I won't be able to do it by myself. You have no idea how often I get told this. If I had a different personality I might just let it slide, but I am super stubborn and when someone tells me I can't do something, especially when it can be done maybe just not by the person I am talking to, I will give it my all to prove them wrong. For example. Nursing twins. Apparently to many people, it is impossible, and crazy, and hard. Yes, it's going to be hard, but it's going to be a lot easier to nurse them than to bottle feed them. Cheaper too. No bottles to make, clean, make sure I have with me at all times. Who cares it means someone can help me feed them at some point in time. I live in the boonies and my husband is gone half the time. That leaves me. Yup, makes total sense. Another one that drives me nuts is how people wonder how I'm going to get Mackie to school. Really? Do I look incompetent? The time it takes for me to drive her to school and get home is less than 2 minutes. Literally. Even if they are crying and I have to leave, it's for less than 2 minutes that they will just have to wait. And that's only every other week I have to worry about it. Daddy takes her to school when he's home.

I really wish I wasn't so emotional and hormonal right now. This wouldn't bug me so much if I wasn't. In a few weeks it will be something of the past and it won't matter. It doesn't really matter now, but I have a low tolerance for other peoples opinions on how I need to do things. Okay, I have one more. I got told that I can't drive myself to the hospital if I go into labor when Jar is gone. I know that it is not conventional to drive yourself to the hospital, especially when said hospital is over an hour away, but it might be something that I have to do. Also, I am not waiting around the house until it's almost time that the babies are going to be coming out. Once I think I am going into labor I am outta here! Even if it's a false alarm, I don't care, I want that epidural! That is the one thing though I haven't really set up. I should probably look into finding someone. I am good for the weekend, it's just the Monday-Wednesday that I'm worried about. Well, and from now until my mom is here, but I'm not too concerned about that for some reason.

I think I am done now with my rant session. On to some more happier thoughts. I am 35 weeks and 1 day and I am still pregnant! Over a week ago the were both over 5 lbs and Baby A is probably close to 6 and the other is probably over 5.5 lbs by now. I am so happy that they are big! I know they could still run into other problems if they came now, but at least I won't have to worry so much about their weight. The weight helps regulate their temperature, which is something that is hard for preemies to do on their own. So that's a big bonus! There is a chance they wouldn't need any NICU now, but there is still a chance that they would. So, I really do want them to stay in there longer. It's just a mind game now for me. It's not a fun one either. So close to being done! It's driving me nuts.....:)

Oh, and this is not a plea for help. Trust me. I am tired of people asking me what they can do. I really don't know right now!I really am grateful that there are people willing to help, but I am a crazy, stubborn pregnant lady and I'd rather be on my own right now. I know when I need help, and I will know who to ask if I need it. I am annoyingly super self reliant. Just ask my husband. Also, I am extremely grateful to those that have already helped me. Whether it's been watching my kids when I have an appointment, or cleaning the church for me, or throwing a shower, or coming to my shower, or offering to help, or extra clothes, or just listening to my craziness. It has not gone unnoticed.

I think that's all for tonight. My head is starting to hurt. Too much emotions for the day. Please don't judge my craziness right now! I do apologize once again, but hey, I didn't force you to read this! :)

Bed rest :(

Yesterday was my follow up Dr appointment after the premature labor episode. It's already been a week since then! I'm so glad they are still in there.

He seemed a bit more concerned this time. He measured me and we listened to the heartbeats. Everything was good. Although I did almost pass out on the table. You have to lay on the table flat on your back with your legs down to be measured. Then trying to find two heartbeats can take awhile. Yesterday Baby B was not cooperating and I started to feel sick and the spots started coming. For those of you who don't know......when you are pregnant, especially closer to the end, when you lay flat on your back the babies cut off your circulation. That is why they tell you to lay on your side. Preferably your left. It's supposed to help your kidneys that way I guess. Anyways, after that was done I sat up and he told me that he wants me on partial bed rest. I am grateful for the word 'partial' in there. He told me that he tells people having triplets that they need to rest around an hour in the morning, afternoon, and evening. And then he told me that was what I am supposed to do. I have mixed feelings about it. It's definitely not the end of the world and I can still do my regular things, but I think it's just one more thing that has made this more real. It's not everyday though that you get told that you need to go lie down 2 or 3 times a day. I try to do it at least once a day, but I will just have to make sure I do it a bit more. Especially if the contractions start. It really is kinda nice, especially for someone like me that can't sit back and watch and receive help very easily. Being forced to rest will be good for me and the babies and I just need to enjoy the time to rest because once they are here........well, you know.

After I was done, I took the girls shopping. We hit the mall and had some lunch. Then I went to Costco. I really wanted to hit Walmart while we were there, but I started having contractions, so we stopped and got some ice cream and went home. It's really frustrating not being able to go shopping for a few hours, but I'd rather not shop than have babies right now. So, I will manage.

I have an ultrasound on Tuesday. I will be 34 weeks by then! Woooohooooo! And then I think my doctor might be gone. I really hope not. I don't see him again until the following Monday. That will be 35 weeks! So I really hope that we will make it until that appointment. And if I do, they better wait to come until the following Wednesday. Jar leaves early that week for work because he is one the Mine Rescue and they have to go up for training a day early every couple of months. And of course it has to be now. Because he's on night that week, he won't get home until Wednesday afternoon. I am dreading that week. You have know idea.

A quick update on how I am doing physically and I will stop. I have hit the 40 lb mark this week. I am almost 34 weeks, measuring 40 weeks. My tummy is measuring about 42 inches around. I still haven't gotten any new stretch marks! This makes me incredibly happy. I know they can still come and probably will. They could even come after, but I thought for sure by now I would have some. My belly button is still an inny! The babies have dropped down a bit. I can breath better and my heartburn has been a lot better this week. The heartburn was so bad it felt like every time I ate I had food stuck in my throat. Like when you take a pill and it gets stuck. That's how it felt and it was so annoying. Then if they moved just right, they would kick my stomach and it would come back up. Gross. The pressure in the crotchal area is, well, painful, heavy, annoying. The waddle has definitely increased this last week as well. I am pretty sure that is why he put me on bed rest. Things are progressing and he told me he could tell by looking at me. He told me I have "blossomed". At least I won't have to worry about being induced or not. He won't do it, so I was a bit upset when he told me that. Just because of the complications I had with Mackinley when I was induced with her. I may have mentioned that.

Anyways, my pregnancy brain is starting to show in my ramblings. Again, sorry if this seems repetitive or boring. But, I do this blogging for me. It helps me to clear my head a bit and sort things out. I'm sure I will appreciate looking back on this time of my life as well and I'd way rather type than write. So this is my journal. I'm hoping that once the babies are here and we are a bit better with schedules and I have my stuff together again, the blog will still be a journal, but maybe back to sharing just everyday things instead of dumping all my emotional and mental baggage on it. One day!

Clearing the mind :)

This week has been an interesting one for me. With my impending labor sneaking up on me, I have been doing what Jar calls nesting. The urge has been there for a long time, but last weekend scared me into "I-need-to-get-read-for-these-babies-early" mode. I thought I was prepared for them to come, but I was not. Well, not the way I'd like to be anyways. And I can admit that what I considered to be prepared might seem extreme to what others might considered to be prepared. I don't know.

So, this week I made sure the baby room was ready. It had been cleaned out and organized, but things were still needed to be done. I needed to wash the car seats because we bought them second hand, so I did that and in the process between the two of us we lost one half of one of the chest buckles and one of the little pieces that clips into the middle piece. I have searched high and low and still can't find the annoying things. I did call into Peg Perego and order some new pieces. I ended up having to pay for it because they have to send a complete harness, but at least it should be here before we need to be bringing babies home. And hopefully they are the pieces that I need! At least it's not a worry anymore.

The swings got brought down into the newly painted and FURNISHED living room! Jar worked his tail off on Monday to get the room finished. There are still things like trim and some decorating that need to be done, but it is livable in there now! I think his next days off we will start bringing stuff back up under the stairs into the storage area and get the downstairs room looking better.

I still have some things to do before I feel completely prepared, but it is all minor. Today I have an appointment in Lethbridge, so I will hopefully find some blankets and pillows to put in the new room and cute baskets to set up diaper stations around the house. I figure I'll need at least 3. One for my bedroom, living room, and downstairs. I think after tomorrow I will feel a whole lot better about everything if they were to come sooner than later.

Because I am going in to the doctor's today, I will have all 3 of us ready to have these babies, just in case. They are still packed from last weekend, and have their sleeping bags in, but I will throw my bag back in and their personal things they use everyday. I feel fine right now, but you never know I guess. It will stay that way too until these babies actually do come. Sound weird? Whatever, at least I won't be running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I won't have to worry about someone else trying to figure out what my girls need or what I might be needing. Living an hour away from Lethbridge in a little hamlet with no friends or family right in town makes it a bit different in the planning department, that's for sure. We do have people in Pincher that are willing to help, which is awesome. I've actually felt a lot of love from a lot of people in our ward this last month. It's been nice, but I wish it wouldn't have taken over 4 years. Maybe these babies will help me feel like I fit in a bit better afterwards. Hope so.

Anyways, today should be a good day! Full of shopping! Don't worry Jar, the bills are paid. And then I am going to have a couple of girls over to watch a movie. It's probably the last weekend that Jar is gone before these boys arrive and I had said when the room was finished I was going to have a party one weekend he was gone. I was going to do a Pinterest party with food and crafts, but that is just a bit over my head right now. So a couple of girls and snacks is perfect! Can't wait!

Crisis averted.......for now

So yesterday started like any other day. Except that it was Macey's birthday and we had to get up at 7 in the morning so we could get to the zoo. We had a really good time. I rented a power scooter so I wouldn't over do it. I got laughed at, but I am glad I did it. Then we went to dairy queen and had an Ariel ice cream cake and opened presents. Macey was happy to see everybody, and of course open presents! :)

We left Calgary before 6 in the evening. We were hoping to get home early so the girls could have shower before bed. We had to be up early again to be in Cranbrook for 10 o'clock church. Jaron's sister's baby was being blessed, so we were going to hang out for the day. We bought some furniture for the newly renovated room and it was supposed to be picked up in Lethbridge Monday for it. Doesn't this sounds like a nice pleasant weekend? Busy, but nice, and planned. Well, plans are apparently made to be changed. At least it seem so in our house.

It might start to get a little graphic soon. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Sometime in the evening, I felt a gush of fluid. It wasn't just a lot of the "regular" stuff, but liquid as well. It went through to my pants. I started to freak out in my head just a wee bit. I didn't want to get Jar worked up, so I just kept it to myself for a bit and to see if anything else was going to leak or if contractions would start.

So we got home and got the girls showered and in bed. I went and showered and then went downstairs to talk to Jar. I was more worried that if it was my water had broken, I didn't want to chance infection, but if it wasn't, then no big deal. A least I would know. I wasn't really feeling right either. So I asked Jar if he would clean up the kitchen while I got packed up. I told him calmly what was going on and that I thought it was best to go get checked now while it was still earlier in the night. He got to cleaning and I got to packing.
The girls have had an overnight bag in the van for over a month now, just in case. I packed a weeks worth of stuff though, because I knew if the boys came now, I wouldn't be going home until they did. So I packed my stuff and the girls stuff and we all got in the van. The girls got dropped off at a friends' house while we were at the hospital so that Jar could be in there too. Apparently the girls didn't go back to sleep after that. Oooops! Sorry!

They got me in and tried to hook me up to the fetal monitors. It took forever. They kept getting the same baby's heart beat on both of the monitors. Once they got it all figured out they started doing different tests. I had two different tests to see if my water had actually broken. They both came back negative! I was thrilled! They did another test called an ffn test. It is a fetal fibronectin test. It's a test that helps determine I someone is going into premature labor. A positive test is a bit more inconclusive. It means the chance is higher of giving birth in the next week or two, but it can go longer. It not definitive. If it's negative your chance of going into labor within the next two weeks is around 1%. My test came back positive.

Once they told me that everything started to go downhill. They hooked me up to the iv and started pumping the fluids....fast. It was so cold I started to shiver really bad. I got a steroid shot to help develop the babies' lungs and they told me I was being sent by ambulance to Lethbridge because they didn't want me there. So Jar went and grabbed the girls because we had arrangements for someone to pick them up there so they would be close. He came back and brought them in to say good bye. They were in there jammies and you could tell that they were a bit confused and concerned. I wanted to cry. For them, for the babies, for me, but I knew I couldn't in front of them so I gave them big hugs and told them I loved them. I told them it was alright and I would see them tomorrow sometime, so be good girls while you are away. Ugh! I hate stuff like that. They watched the ambulance people put me on the bed and lift me high up and wheeled me away. I may have started to tear up then.

We made it to Lethbridge pretty much uneventful. Jar met our friend outside the hospital, so he was in right away. I had been getting the odd contraction since the hospital, but my mind was in other places to really pay attention to them. My back was starting to hurt and the contractions were starting to hurt as well. When we got to the hospital, we waited in the hallway while I got checked in quick. I had a contraction there. We walked down to the elevator. I had a contraction there. Up to my room, went to the bathroom and the contractions started to come. Ever so slowly and then harder and they were about a minute apart.

My nurse checked me and I was 2cm dilated. This freaked me out. They had already given me some stuff to make the contractions stop and it didn't seem to be working. I had hard contractions for about 8 hours and they finally started to go away. I didn't go any further than 2-3 cm, so that was good. Once they stopped they kept me on the monitors for awhile to make sure that it had stopped and stayed stopped.

I saw my doctor right around the time they were stopping. He wanted an ultrasound done and another steroid shot. He figured I would be there until Monday morning sometime if everything had remained the same. He left and the nurse brought me some juice and told me it should help. Oh, I forgot. Apparently they thought I was dehydrated. Hahaha! Apparently they do not live with me or drive in my van. There are water bottles ALL around! But water is not good enough for some reason. I have now been switched to powerade and juice. I can still have water, but I need to be drinking this other stuff. Which is fine really. They probably pumped 6 bags of iv fluid into me over the course of the time I was there. I'm pretty sure I gained at least 5 lbs in just water weight. I feel so puffy! They thought I was dehydrated because no matter how much water they pumped into me I kept showing ketones in my urine.

Anyways, where was I? Sorry, I am running two hours of sleep in the last 37. Brain is not functioning properly!

My nurse came back and said that my doctor would be in sometime soon and he was saying that if I was feeling good he would let me out that evening. I just had to get a shot at Pincher Hospital later tonight and see him in his office this week. Ummmmm, yes please! He didn't put me on bed rest either! Yay! I do not plan on doing anything but lay in bed and do the stuff that needs to be done. But at least I am not bed ridden yet.

The ultrasound showed that they were still in the same position as last week. One head down and the other head up. So that was good. Things couldn't have turned out better! It was scary and I was prepared mentally for them to come today. I am glad they didn't. My goal is still 3 more weeks, but even one would be awesome! So, I will keep praying and resting and hopefully they like it in there a little longer :)

Oh, and I think the 8 hours of labor I just went through should count towards my total amount of labor in the end, don't you? Haha! Of course I couldn't have two babies with one labor, I had to have at least 2!

One last tidbit. My next worry is Jar is leaving for work on Tuesday for a week! Please babies, stay in until daddy gets home! I know we have lots of family and friends to help us and support us. It really is a blessing! I am grateful for the people that helped us last night and today. I sure did help ease my mind knowing they were somewhere where they liked to be and were comfortable being. It actually helped me decide how I would like to handle the girls if these boys do come early and need to be in the NICU for a bit. Which was actually kinda nice. I want them to be in Lethbridge with us so that we are all together and I don't have to miss them. It is definitely the best plan for this mama! Jar will take them to our friends' house to stay the night and during the day I have some people to take them during the day. That's the plan anyways. I think they will do better that way as well. They will be included with what is going on, but also out having fun with their friends. Win win.

Sorry for the ramblings, my brain is fried and there is ALOT going through this head of mine right now!

Happy!

Hopefully you are not too tired of hearing about this pregnancy of mine! I don't know about any of you, but when I am pregnant, it's almost all I can think about the whole 9 months. I find that children in all stages are mind consuming. Whether it's trying to get pregnant, you are pregnant, or children themselves, they consume my mind. Sometimes in a stressful way, but most of the times it's just wondering, thinking, hoping. This pregnancy has been different, obviously. It doesn't make it more important or more exciting, just different. It has brought on different stresses that the girls never did. I never really worried about the girls coming early, I didn't worry about NICU, and I didn't really have to worry about what to do with the other kids if I had to be at the hospital for an extended period of time.

These worries have become stronger over the last week. I am now 32 weeks which is AWESOME! What's even better is that these boys are BIG! They are both measuring about a week ahead of schedule. They both weigh 4 lbs 6 oz. One must be a bit longer because one is 6 days ahead of schedule and the other is 8. So for being the same weight, I am assuming the measurements are different. I'm sure it's not that much, because really, how big does a baby have to be to hide an oz or two? So this was really good news for me. It took away the worry of how they were growing and if they were growing at a good rate in comparison to each other. If their weight differs by too much, the chances of taking them early are much higher. So now I don't have to worry about that. Unless something changes, but I don't really see that happening. I will talk to my doctor on Friday and hopefully I'll get some more info on things. I want to know more about the steroid shot for their lungs. I want to know if them being bigger will make them come earlier in the end. There's only so much room in there! I will find out when my next ultrasound is on Friday as well. This last one I had was really quick and wasn't the one I thought I was having. I think the next one I have will be at the hospital and have the scoring. There are just so many unknowns. I hate it. Oh well, they will be here soon enough! Even if they came at 35 weeks, which I think would be awesome, that is only 3 weeks away. 3 weeks! They could still take 6 weeks though.

Here are some pictures of Baby A from yesterday. For some reason they didn't give me any pictures of Baby B. Oh well, hopefully next time. This one is his profile. He sure does look pretty squished in there!

 I absolutely love this picture of his hand! It is just so perfect.There are mini people in my tummy!

I know that at my 18 week ultrasound I saw both babies in there, but for some reason it didn't really sink in that I was having 2 babies. Even when I went to the doctor and heard 2 different heart beats, I still worried and was in disbelief that there were really 2 babies in my tummy. I still am in disbelief, but it is starting to become more of a reality. I don't know if it was this last ultrasound and seeing them, knowing if they were born today, they would survive and thrive. They might not get home for awhile, but they should be healthy and strong. Maybe it was finding out that I have more baby in me than I ever have had. I probably have more baby in me than I have had baby plus all the other stuff that is in there. Maybe not quite, but close! Or maybe it was finding out how they were positioned. That definitely helped me with my bonding. It's nice to know who is kicking me and hurting me.

I really like their positioning. It's not ideal, but we can work with it. Baby A is head down. This made me sooo happy! This was one of the things I was worried about as well. I know the chances of having a C-section are higher, but I didn't want that to be my only option. Because Baby A is head down, they will let me try and do it naturally. With an epidural of course! Another worry of mine....that they will come fast and I won't get an epidural. Anyways, Baby A, who I considered to be Cooper, is head down and his back is to my left side. His arms and feet are facing towards the middle of my stomach. Baby B, who I considered to be Walker, is head up. His arms and feet are also facing the middle of my stomach. So they are like a yin yang! I thought it was kinda cute! I am almost half expecting them to come out with black eyes from boxing each other in there. I'm interested to see if they change position at all on my next ultrasound. Hopefully not going from head down to head up though!

And if you're wondering if they will let me deliver naturally with one that is head up, the answer is yes! My doctor told me that as long as Baby A is head down they will let me try. He said he didn't care what Baby B was doing, he'll just reach in a pull him out. Literally. Ouch! I really hope I get that epidural.

So for now I am happy with how things are going and am a bit relieved. They will still be on my mind until they get here. My goal is to go 4 more weeks. Well, they need to wait 29 days. Jar will be home and they will be big and doing well. If they gain an ounce a day like most babies do, they will be over 6 lbs each by then! So, we will see. Until then, well, until the come, I will just be happy with how everything has gone and how well they are doing. I couldn't ask for more. I don't know why we were blessed with these boys, but I know they were meant to come together at this point in my life. I know that this pregnancy has been easy. Well, as easy as it can be. My nausea is minimal, my body seems to be built for this, so the level of uncomfortableness and pain has been minimal as well. I do have a very high pain tolerance, so that might be part of it as well. Don't get me wrong. I am tired, I am in pain, I am uncomfortable, but I am pregnant with twins, so that is to be expected. I just know that some people have it a lot worse than I do.

I always hoped that my third labor would be the one that was drama and trauma free. It's definitely going to be very dramatic, but I'm still hoping for an easy labor. Even if doesn't go perfectly, it would be nice to have these babies and me be healthy and no life threatening scares!

The days are long, but they will be here before I know it!

Crazy week ahead! Good thing for BA masseusses!

Today was pretty uneventful. I spent the day recovering from yesterday's trip to Lethbridge and tried to get some cleaning done and the laundry done. I wasn't completely recovered from last weekend, so I decided it would be best to recharge today and tomorrow because then things really start to pick up for awhile!

Monday I go back in to Lethbridge for a biometry ultrasound. They will measure their sizes and weights in relation to each other and what their percentile is. I don't know much more about it. I am excited though to see them even it is only an ultrasound! Tuesday will be another cleaning day because then Jar gets home the next day. Thursday we are hoping to hit the temple in the morning and then my baby shower in Pincher is happening that evening. I really hope to make it to the temple because I haven't been since I've been pregnant and I LOVE going when I am pregnant. Especially when I'm further along. I think it's neat to be as close to them as I possibly can be at the time. Anyways, Friday is back to Lethbridge for another doctor appointment, Saturday is Calgary Zoo for Macey's birthday, and Sunday is Cranbrook for my sister in law's baby blessing. Then home!

I am really looking forward to Friday as well, because everytime I go in to my doctor, I get a prenatal massage as well. It is AWESOME! I would highly recommend it to anyone that is pregnant whether you feel you need it or not. The place I go to has a pregnancy massage table, so it has a hole in the table to put your belly in. None of this lying on your side business! It is so nice to just lay there. The first girl I saw is really great. It's more of a relaxing type of massage where she works on circulation and my sore spots. Sometimes it hurts, but it's not too bad. Yesterday when I was in I had a different girl. I try to not judge someone by their looks, but some people make it really hard. I walked in to the massage place knowing I had someone new. There stood a girl covered in tattoos and piercings. Her head was shaved underneath her long hair and it was pulled back with a big bandana wrapped around her head. She was very intimidating. She was going to be the one to rub me down! I tried really hard not to stare at what was all going on with her physically. I find it hard not to stare at people that make such a statement with their looks. I kept trying to imagine why she would want to do that to herself. I am not against people with tattoos or piercings. I could care less. She was excessive though. She looked like she should be working in a tattoo shop instead of a massage place. She turned out to be really nice though. I figured she would be. I know that just because you have different taste in style or appearance, doesn't make you mean or weird, just......different. Anyways, once I was settled in the room she came in and turned on the music. It was not the traditional river flowing, flute playing, birds chirping type of music. It was Ozzy, his softer, slower music, and other rock stuff that was on the softer side. I didn't mind it. I knew all of the songs. It was just different.

She started to work on my legs first. You need to know that I have extremely sensitive fat. For those of you who are thinking "You have no fat", I do. Whether I am pregnant or at my skinniest, I have always had some fat and it is sensitive. Especially in my thighs. Let's say I have sensitive adipose tissue. Right now, I definitely have extra adipose tissue. When she started massaging my leg I wanted to cry! She has the strongest chick hands! She asked if the pressure was okay or if I wanted more. I said it was good. I kept trying to not flinch. I knew that it would feel a lot better after, so I tried to just take it. Well, I actually did just take it. She was digging her elbow into my butt and twisting my legs around. She kept elbowing the side of my butt and hips. I was oh so painful, but good at the same time. It was MUCH different than the girl I have been seeing. Once she moved up to my back I thought all would be better. I was wrong! She continued the torture on my lower back and sides. She had my arms twisted around and digging her elbows into my shoulder blades. She had her forearms grinding all the way up my back. I found out that I have ticklish spots in the middle of my back that make me flinch only when an extreme amount of pressure is applied. Again, it was painful, but good at the same time. She would ease up for a few minutes when she was going to move to another spot and it felt wonderful!!

It was interesting to see how different people massage differently. They both are really good, just different. It was funny to me though how the one girl looked......softer and massaged softer, and the girl that looked.......harsher, massaged harsher. I am going back on Friday and I see the torturous one again. I am looking forward to it though. It really does make me feel better. I kept telling myself when she was rubbing my legs that she was just breaking up all my fat cells and hopefully my cellulite will leave that much quicker! Don't worry, I did tell her that it hurt. I told her that I couldn't believe how bad that completely sucked after each area. She knew I was hurting! I still can't get over how strong her hands are! Oh well, I'll let them do their magic on me as long as I can. It's better than not having it done :)

One last story and I will finish. My upstairs FINALLY got painted!!! I can't believe I have forgotten to post this. So, last weekend, the weekend I am still recovering from, Jar and I, and my sister Madison spent Saturday and Monday painting. We got the ceiling painted and the living room and the kitchen done! The trim still needs to go up this week and we need to get some furniture put in, but the hard work is all done! It looks weird, just because it's different, but it looks good! The ceiling got painted black. The living room is a light green and the kitchen is grey. The green wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I'm hoping once everything is put in the room and it's all decorated it won't be so bright. It's a light green, but brighter than I was wanting. I like it now, but it can always be painted later on if I decide I don't like it. It's just a huge thing that has been crossed off my list and I am grateful for that!

So by the time our busy week and a half is finished I will be 33 weeks! I think I will have one week to recuperate before Mackie goes back to school and then these babies will be here before I know it! If everything went my way they will come in one month, or more. They would be 36 weeks and Jar would be home. I am praying for good results on my ultrasound so that this plan of mine will happen :)

Goodbye Summer!!!

Well, summer is almost over and I can't wait! There are so many reasons that I want summer to be done. Normally I don't want it to end, but this year, it is very much welcome around here.

My top reasons summer can go away right now

-The heat is unbearable in my condition
-Mackinley is a great help around the house, but I NEED her to go back to school for Macey's sake. They have really good days, but I have no tolerance for their fighting right now
-That much closer to not being pregnant
-That much closer to meeting these baby boys!
-I really would like to have a schedule back. We all do so much better on a schedule

I will be sad when Mackie goes back to school, but I think overall it will bet better for the girls. I just don't have to energy or motivation to be constantly entertaining them. I know they are just bored and I am excited to have Macey to myself, even if it's for a very short time. She does so much better when she's by herself and she really is quite the sweetheart. So is Mackie, but she doesn't have the same evil streak that Macey does, she's almost always quite pleasant.

Quick baby update. Things are coming close to an end, whether they go to 38 weeks or not. 38 weeks is just over 6 weeks away. So, in 6 weeks or less I will get to meet these 2. Crazy! I haven't gotten a lot bigger around. I'm just over 41 inches around right now. Because my tummy hasn't dropped down and out yet, they are still going up. Actually, it feels like they are wrapping around the back. At least one of them is. I am perfectly ok with them not going out. I will sacrifice breathing for not having a super stretched stomach. I know that it can all change quickly though.

I see my doctor tomorrow and I will find out when my first biophysical ultrasound is. I've never had one of them, so it should be interesting. It will just be nice to see that they are doing well. It's been 4 weeks since I've seen my doctor, and I'm a little paranoid, so it will be nice to hear heartbeats and see them moving around. I definitely feel them moving, but it's hard to distinguish who's who when I don't know how they are positioned. So, it should make it a bit more fun for me to know what they are doing.

In the last 2 months or so I have heard of 4 sets of twins that were born at the 32-33 week mark. That would be like me having my babies next week! I am not ready for that at all! If they come early I would like them to come during week 34. Jar will be home and they wouldn't be in NICU for as long. Once again, I know I have no control, but a girl can hope right? :) My ideal way of everything happening would be anytime after 36 weeks. Jar will be home and they should be healthy enough to go home very shortly after. They may be able to just go home.

Right now I am just trying to mentally prepare myself for them coming early. I knew that it was possible, but now that I'm at that point, it has kinda hit me that I am not prepared for that. I can figure out what to do with the girls, but I haven't prepared myself to deal with it. I will be talking to my doctor tomorrow to see if I can get a glimpse at the NICU and get more info in that department. Maybe even the labor and delivery area. Except I will be delivering in an operating room, so that probably won't do me any good.

Sorry, I am rambling. I just have a lot on my mind and it really helps to type it all out. Some of it may be repetitive, but this is what I think about 24/7! Tomorrow will help me out a lot in the emotional/mental department, plus I get another massage! Seriously the best decision I have made in this pregnancy! I really wish I would have done it with my girls. Oh well. I guess I know better for next time......ha!

Robots

Right now I should be packing and cleaning the house to get ready to leave for our family reunion this weekend. It's up by Rocky Mountain House somewhere, so we'll head up to my parents' house tonight and head out there tomorrow sometime. For some reason though, I just can't muster up the energy to do it. Most of the time I am good at doing something, even when I don't want to, when there is a dead line, but today......I am having a hard time doing it.

I don't know if it's just being in the house with the girls and we're all going crazy or I'm just really tired. I am looking forward to the weekend, but I know that it's going to take a lot out of me at the same time. Thankfully my family is really good at helping me out. Normally I don't like people taking over the "mom" role when I'm around, but this weekend might be an exception. We will see.

So, to get to the title I'll explain a little bit. I've been frustrated with things around here a bit. I won't go into details, but being a wife and mom really is the most thankless job around. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my life, I have it really good. There are just times when it would be nice to feel appreciated for everything that a stay at home mom does. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not trying to make my family feel bad either. It's just a general overall feeling. So, on days like today when I'm not really full of energy and motivation I try to think of the good things and my blessings. The most recent one I've been using a lot to help me appreciate my children is the following:

Mackinley and Macey walking around talking like robots......

Macey - I.am.a.ro.bot.......I.eat.hu.mans.
Mackinley - I.am.a.pup.py.ro.bot.
Macey - I.am.a.pup.py.ro.bot.too......we.need.to.find.kit.ties.

Okay, so whoever says thinks that girls aren't as strange and rough like boys, has never met my girls. Seriously, where do kids come up with this stuff? I continually amazed at how their little minds work. I love when their quirky little personalities shine through. They really are the best and I am one lucky mom!

Now, hopefully that is enough to get me going again!

Mixed emotions

Today I am 29 weeks. That means I am officially in the single digits for my maximum amount of weeks left until I meet these babies. 9 weeks max. Wow. It seems so far away, yet so close. Tomorrow is August which means they the next month after that. I am really excited, but I am starting to get really nervous and anxious all over again.

We have another busy month planned, but luckily it's nothing too strenuous. Well, Macey wants to go to the Zoo for her birthday and that's the 25th of August, so it's hard to say how I will be doing then. We might have to go on a day that's not her birthday. But other than that I really just need to make through this weekend's camping trip. I think we will be sleeping in a trailer this time, so that will be huge on how well I do with it all. We have swimming lessons and art classes and my appointments will start to be very frequent now. I will be starting to see my doctor every 2 weeks if not every week and I will start having regular ultrasounds in 2 weeks. So, it's busy.

I keep telling myself it's good to be busy, but that just makes time fly by. And to be honest, I am nervous about two babies. Not just how crazy it will be, but I am nervous of them coming early and NICU. I really don't want to be dealing with that. I know we will get through it if we had to, but it's definitely not ideal. I am worried about bonding afterwards. I bonded differently with Macey after she was born. It wasn't instant because I was so nervous and worked up going into labor. I had such a bad experience the first time that I was traumatized more than I knew I was. Then when I had issues after having her, it really affected me. I did bond with her eventually, but it was different and I wasn't expecting that so I thought I was doing something wrong, or I was a bad mom or something. I realize now it's all normal and things are good, but it makes me nervous this time around. It really wasn't a very fun experience and even though I am more prepared going in to this delivery and know more, it still doesn't mean that I will bond instantly and be perfectly okay with not bonding the way I would like.

I am also nervous about breastfeeding. Not about doing it, but I'm worried that it will be hard to do if they are born early and I don't want it to be harder than it has to. I am determined enough and stubborn enough to push through, but both the girls were such amazing nursers and I had absolutely no trouble whatsoever, that I would like it to continue that way!

I know these worries or concerns are minor and my life will go on which ever things play out, but I still think about them. It still isn't completely real that all of this is happening. Especially since I don't feel too much different or look too different of how I have been with just one baby in there.

Just a quick update on me. I have gained about 30-32 lbs so far. I am just over 40 inches around the biggest part of my belly and no new stretch marks yet. My pubic bone hurts pretty bad still and laying in bed makes it worse, but I have learned how to manage it better and keep it at bay. I am starting to get tired pretty easy again and just cleaning the kitchen last night made me break out in a sweat. But I do feel really good over all. As good as a pregnant person can feel I suppose! I am ravenous all the time, but there is not much room to eat. These babies are growing up into my diaphragm right now instead of out, so it makes it hard to eat and breath. And sit for a long time. Their kicks hurt a lot, so thankfully they are more of the roller/stretcher kind of babies. Although stretching hurts pretty bad too. Their movements are pretty incredible sometimes. It really is the weirdest sensation to have two in there. Sometimes one moves around and wakes the other up and they both are going at it. That's when I need to make sure I don't have to pee, because one feels like it sitting right on my bladder and it takes a lot of abuse from him. The other one likes my ribs. It kind of feels like the last few weeks of pregnancy with one in there, but different still because there are 4 feet, 4 knees, 4 hands and 4 elbows, 2 heads and 2 bums. So the pressure is the same, but the activity level is different. I know one day I will forget exactly what it feels like, so I try to enjoy it and relish in the magic of it all.

It is not lost on me how blessed we have been lately. These babies truly are sent to us for a reason and I feel very loved and blessed by my Heavenly Father.  I don't know why we have been so blessed when others that I know haven't been, but I am grateful for this amazing opportunity. I know I am far from perfect and far from being the best mom in the world, but this opportunity has made me reflect on things and try to be a better mom and wife. Honestly though, the pregnancy hormones make it difficult some days, but I am at least conscious of it a bit more.

So the countdown is on and soon enough these boys will be here! I pray they aren't too early and are strong and healthy! Can't wait to see what they look like :)

Peeling!

I am sitting here in the Pass watching Macey play at the park while Mackinley is in her summer art class in Frank. I just noticed while sitting that my chest is peeling. A lot. So gross.

What is annoying about it all is that I haven't even been in the sun. Last weekend we stayed at my parents house and we went to the beach. My mom and I sat in the shade THE WHOLE time! We were there all day and the girls had their sunscreen put on and they were fine. Except the tops of their heads, but even they didn't burn. By the end of the day I felt burnt and looked burnt. I was not impressed. It wasn't even a hot day. My chest and shoulders were sore for a week and now it is peeling. I feel like that gross guy from Austin Powers that saves his skin and eats it.

Just one of those weird pregnancy symptoms I guess, the sensitive skin. At least I learned my lesson on a not so hot day in the shade instead of
out in the sun!

Cravings!!!

I don't know about you, but when I get pregnant I get intense, weird cravings. They seem to start around the last month of my pregnancy and they go away after I have my babies.

When I had Mackie I craved dirt and gas. I don't remember having a craving for a food item ever. Some food might have sounded good at a moment in time, but my mind wasn't focused on one thing to eat all the time. But gasoline and dirt were for some reason what I was craving. Of course I never ate them, but Jar did put some gas in a pop bottle for me to sniff every now and then to curb my appetite :) He was doing road inspections at the end of that pregnancy and so I went with him and I carried it around with me. I wasn't inhaling it, just sniffing!

With Macey, pretty much the same thing. It kicked in somewhere around the last month and it was dirt and gasoline again. Again, no major food cravings. Just foods that I liked. This time though they were a little bit more intense. We moved to Lundbreck when I was pregnant with her and our shower off our bedroom had tile in it. Everytime I had a shower the grout would be wet obviously and it would smell so good! It kinda smelt like dirt when it rained. I finally caved and licked the shower wall. Yup, you read that right. I caved and licked it. It was fabulous! After that, I started to cave a little bit more. I remember going out and scooping up some gravel and bringing it inside and looking for the good rocks that had the kind of dirt that I knew I would like. Oh yes, I am very specific when it comes to the dirt that I like. It's not the kind that you use in your garden or plants. It's that very fine dirt that clings to rocks or blows away when you drive down a gravel road. That is some prime dirt right there! Anyways, I sat there looking at this gravel wondering if I was seriously going to go through with this and I finally just popped a rock in my mouth. This is going to sound weird, but I felt soooo much better after doing it.

I did it one more time 3 weeks before Macey came. We were at a family reunion and Mackinley was playing at the park. I was sitting on the edge of the park because it was gravel and there was a  wooden border all the way around so it was a built-in seat. I sat there and stared at all the gravely goodness. I once again caved and picked up some rocks and sucked the dirt off and spit it all out. This was not the first experience I have had doing this same sort of thing. I have memories of playing with my cousin and we would go down to a house that was about 3 doors down from mine and they had little bitty gravel in their driveway. We would grab some and put it in our mouths and spit it out. Either at each other or to see how far we could spit it. Anyways, I had done it before. But I was a bit younger back then and it might have been a bit more socially acceptable.

So I had the two dirt experiences with Macey and the shower and that was about it. I did like the smell of gasoline, but I didn't indulge in that one that time around.

This pregnancy has been way different. In more than one way. First, twins. Second, boys. Third, I have been having cravings since around week 5. In the beginning it started out as food cravings. I LOVED those Death Rain Habanero chips for about 3-4 weeks. I couldn't get enough of them. Those big huge Lindt milk chocolate bars were another. I lived off of apples it seemed for a couple of months. I'm sure there were more, but I can't really remember. I had a stash of food by or in my bed for a long time. The food cravings have died down a bit, but the non food cravings have hit hard the last couple of days.

I noticed it last week when I was cleaning the kitchen. I like to use Fantastic all purpose spray when I wipe the cupboards down and so I sprayed it and started to wipe everything up. The smell hit something in my brain and I couldn't get enough of it. It is a weird feeling to have something like that satisfy you in a way that you didn't know it could. Does that make sense? I didn't even know I wanted it, but once I had it, I felt...complete. The dirt has come back this week too. Driving today I had to mentally control myself to not pull over on the side of the road and suck some dirt off of some gravel. It's not just a mental thing either. I had a physical reaction to this craving. My mouth was seriously watering thinking about it. I have never had that happen with before. I don't know if it's because it's my 3rd pregnancy or it's boys or it's twins, but it has started earlier and the cravings are much more intense. I seriously feel like a druggie that needs to get a high. It's going to be a long 2 months of trying to refrain from eating dirt and whatever else might pop up.

I know this might sound crazy and weird, hopefully more funny. I know at first it was embarrassing, but I don't care anymore. I have gotten over it and don't mind sharing my twisted little cravings. Just don't tease me about it. You will then have a pregnant lady that will be ready to tear a strip off of you and your perfect self! Seriously.

27 weeks

I saw my OB/GYN yesterday. I am 27 weeks now, which means I am into the final trimester already! Whoop whoop! It is also going to be my shortest trimester!

Anyways, my doctor is great. He doesn't beat around the bush. He doesn't fill my head with useless information that will just get me worried. The only things we talk about are the things I have questions about. When I go in I always have a list of questions, but by the time I get in there he is so calm and doesn't seem concerned, so I end up not asking anything. Most of the time anyways. I still haven't had to undress at all for any of my appointments, which is awesome! I don't have to give a urine sample every time either. I really like the atmosphere there. I know that people really truly have issues when they are pregnant, but sometimes I wonder if problems are created by the constant tests and worry that is put into our minds. So, I really like how they run their clinic. It helps ease my mind anyways.

I went in, he measured me and listened to both of the heart rates. He asked how I was feeling and if I was feeling a lot of movement. He told me that everything looked great. I had my glucose test done and that was good. My blood pressure was good, but I am anemic, so I need to up my iron and then we'll check it again later on. So nothing major. I asked him if I had grown big enough since I saw him last. He said 'Yes, why?" I told him that I get told I am too small to be having twins or you are so tiny. Stuff like that. He chuckled and said "You look great! You are measuring 32 weeks and your weight gain is really good. You can tell those people that I said you are doing awesome!"

So there. My OB/GYN said I am doing awesome! I bring it up because I hear it ALL the time. I take it as a compliment, but sometimes some people almost seem disappointed. I don't know why, but it makes me wonder if they are disappointed because they want to see what a twin belly looks like and mine looks normal, or they want to see me fat. Either way, I am glad that I carry my babies well. Just so you know, I have gained 27 lbs so far! 27 lbs at 27 weeks. I think that is a lot because I gained only 30-35 lbs with the girls. It is important to gain weight in the first 2 trimesters though with twins. There is a 24 lbs by 24 weeks rule. Your chances of delivering your babies early drops if you gain that weight. So, I think I am doing good. I did read another article that said 40 lbs by 28 weeks. Sorry, I won't be gaining 13 lbs over the next 6 days! My minimum weight gain for this pregnancy based on my prepregnancy weight and height is 37 lbs. I am supposed to be gaining around 1.5 lbs a week, so I should do just fine with my weight and size. Another thing I get told a lot after the size of my uterus is discussed is they feel like they need to remind me that I still have time to get enormous. Thanks, I know that already. Does that make you feel better about yourself? Okay, so I'm ranting a little. Cut me some slack, I'm pregnant :)

While I am on a bit of a tangent, I will discuss the next thing I get asked/told. It is "So, you're done having kids now, right?"

Ummm, I don't know. How am I supposed to know that? I haven't even had these kids yet! I get it in both question form and as a statement. I don't know if it's the fact that it's twins or because now our family is going to be 2 girls and 2 boys so they will be evened out. But it is definitely something that I hear ALL the time. I'm not necessarily against having more at this moment in time, but I can't see into the future and I really don't know what is going to happen.

All done ranting. A little bit more exciting stuff, well for me anyways. Since I am 27 weeks yesterday, I only have 10 weeks left! Well, 10 weeks until my twin due date and 11 weeks until they induce me if I go that far. So, I have max 11 weeks left of being pregnant! I am really hoping that I can hold out to 36 weeks. Jar is working from my week 35-36, so I will be happy with anytime after 36 weeks. Around 50% of twins come before 37 weeks and I think the average time they come is at 35.5 weeks. So it makes me a bit nervous, but once he is home, they can feel free to come when ever they want! In less than 2 weeks it will be August, so in 2 weeks that means I will be able to say that these babies are going to be here next month. Nerve racking, exciting, surreal.

Jar's sisters have both had babies in the last 2 months and on Sunday they were both together. They are close to the same weight, so I held them both at the same time to give me a glimpse into the future. Oh dear. It was pretty crazy. Pretty sure I've held two different babies before, but never when I am expecting two!

I am starting to get anxious for them to get here. I can't wait to see what they look like and to figure out the twin thing. Yes, to all you naysayers, I know it's going to be a lot of work and there are going to be bad days, but I don't have anything that I need to do other than take care of my kids and I know how to simplify. Mackie is old enough to do a lot and she is seriously the best little helper I have ever met. I have a chest freezer full of freezer meals and I am trying to get as much prepared as I can now. I am not really concerned about the after labor, it's just getting them here healthy and not knowing when it's all going to happen, that is stressful. Next month I start having regular ultrasounds to see how they are growing and to see their position. Once this starts, I know that a lot of my anxiety about how they are doing will drop a lot and it will ease my mind about delivery as well a bit. I am excited for this new adventure and I feel blessed that our family was chosen for this special opportunity. Come on 10 weeks and fly by!