Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Mixed emotions

Today I am 29 weeks. That means I am officially in the single digits for my maximum amount of weeks left until I meet these babies. 9 weeks max. Wow. It seems so far away, yet so close. Tomorrow is August which means they the next month after that. I am really excited, but I am starting to get really nervous and anxious all over again.

We have another busy month planned, but luckily it's nothing too strenuous. Well, Macey wants to go to the Zoo for her birthday and that's the 25th of August, so it's hard to say how I will be doing then. We might have to go on a day that's not her birthday. But other than that I really just need to make through this weekend's camping trip. I think we will be sleeping in a trailer this time, so that will be huge on how well I do with it all. We have swimming lessons and art classes and my appointments will start to be very frequent now. I will be starting to see my doctor every 2 weeks if not every week and I will start having regular ultrasounds in 2 weeks. So, it's busy.

I keep telling myself it's good to be busy, but that just makes time fly by. And to be honest, I am nervous about two babies. Not just how crazy it will be, but I am nervous of them coming early and NICU. I really don't want to be dealing with that. I know we will get through it if we had to, but it's definitely not ideal. I am worried about bonding afterwards. I bonded differently with Macey after she was born. It wasn't instant because I was so nervous and worked up going into labor. I had such a bad experience the first time that I was traumatized more than I knew I was. Then when I had issues after having her, it really affected me. I did bond with her eventually, but it was different and I wasn't expecting that so I thought I was doing something wrong, or I was a bad mom or something. I realize now it's all normal and things are good, but it makes me nervous this time around. It really wasn't a very fun experience and even though I am more prepared going in to this delivery and know more, it still doesn't mean that I will bond instantly and be perfectly okay with not bonding the way I would like.

I am also nervous about breastfeeding. Not about doing it, but I'm worried that it will be hard to do if they are born early and I don't want it to be harder than it has to. I am determined enough and stubborn enough to push through, but both the girls were such amazing nursers and I had absolutely no trouble whatsoever, that I would like it to continue that way!

I know these worries or concerns are minor and my life will go on which ever things play out, but I still think about them. It still isn't completely real that all of this is happening. Especially since I don't feel too much different or look too different of how I have been with just one baby in there.

Just a quick update on me. I have gained about 30-32 lbs so far. I am just over 40 inches around the biggest part of my belly and no new stretch marks yet. My pubic bone hurts pretty bad still and laying in bed makes it worse, but I have learned how to manage it better and keep it at bay. I am starting to get tired pretty easy again and just cleaning the kitchen last night made me break out in a sweat. But I do feel really good over all. As good as a pregnant person can feel I suppose! I am ravenous all the time, but there is not much room to eat. These babies are growing up into my diaphragm right now instead of out, so it makes it hard to eat and breath. And sit for a long time. Their kicks hurt a lot, so thankfully they are more of the roller/stretcher kind of babies. Although stretching hurts pretty bad too. Their movements are pretty incredible sometimes. It really is the weirdest sensation to have two in there. Sometimes one moves around and wakes the other up and they both are going at it. That's when I need to make sure I don't have to pee, because one feels like it sitting right on my bladder and it takes a lot of abuse from him. The other one likes my ribs. It kind of feels like the last few weeks of pregnancy with one in there, but different still because there are 4 feet, 4 knees, 4 hands and 4 elbows, 2 heads and 2 bums. So the pressure is the same, but the activity level is different. I know one day I will forget exactly what it feels like, so I try to enjoy it and relish in the magic of it all.

It is not lost on me how blessed we have been lately. These babies truly are sent to us for a reason and I feel very loved and blessed by my Heavenly Father.  I don't know why we have been so blessed when others that I know haven't been, but I am grateful for this amazing opportunity. I know I am far from perfect and far from being the best mom in the world, but this opportunity has made me reflect on things and try to be a better mom and wife. Honestly though, the pregnancy hormones make it difficult some days, but I am at least conscious of it a bit more.

So the countdown is on and soon enough these boys will be here! I pray they aren't too early and are strong and healthy! Can't wait to see what they look like :)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I am sitting here in the Pass watching Macey play at the park while Mackinley is in her summer art class in Frank. I just noticed while sitting that my chest is peeling. A lot. So gross.

What is annoying about it all is that I haven't even been in the sun. Last weekend we stayed at my parents house and we went to the beach. My mom and I sat in the shade THE WHOLE time! We were there all day and the girls had their sunscreen put on and they were fine. Except the tops of their heads, but even they didn't burn. By the end of the day I felt burnt and looked burnt. I was not impressed. It wasn't even a hot day. My chest and shoulders were sore for a week and now it is peeling. I feel like that gross guy from Austin Powers that saves his skin and eats it.

Just one of those weird pregnancy symptoms I guess, the sensitive skin. At least I learned my lesson on a not so hot day in the shade instead of
out in the sun!

Thursday, July 19, 2012


I don't know about you, but when I get pregnant I get intense, weird cravings. They seem to start around the last month of my pregnancy and they go away after I have my babies.

When I had Mackie I craved dirt and gas. I don't remember having a craving for a food item ever. Some food might have sounded good at a moment in time, but my mind wasn't focused on one thing to eat all the time. But gasoline and dirt were for some reason what I was craving. Of course I never ate them, but Jar did put some gas in a pop bottle for me to sniff every now and then to curb my appetite :) He was doing road inspections at the end of that pregnancy and so I went with him and I carried it around with me. I wasn't inhaling it, just sniffing!

With Macey, pretty much the same thing. It kicked in somewhere around the last month and it was dirt and gasoline again. Again, no major food cravings. Just foods that I liked. This time though they were a little bit more intense. We moved to Lundbreck when I was pregnant with her and our shower off our bedroom had tile in it. Everytime I had a shower the grout would be wet obviously and it would smell so good! It kinda smelt like dirt when it rained. I finally caved and licked the shower wall. Yup, you read that right. I caved and licked it. It was fabulous! After that, I started to cave a little bit more. I remember going out and scooping up some gravel and bringing it inside and looking for the good rocks that had the kind of dirt that I knew I would like. Oh yes, I am very specific when it comes to the dirt that I like. It's not the kind that you use in your garden or plants. It's that very fine dirt that clings to rocks or blows away when you drive down a gravel road. That is some prime dirt right there! Anyways, I sat there looking at this gravel wondering if I was seriously going to go through with this and I finally just popped a rock in my mouth. This is going to sound weird, but I felt soooo much better after doing it.

I did it one more time 3 weeks before Macey came. We were at a family reunion and Mackinley was playing at the park. I was sitting on the edge of the park because it was gravel and there was a  wooden border all the way around so it was a built-in seat. I sat there and stared at all the gravely goodness. I once again caved and picked up some rocks and sucked the dirt off and spit it all out. This was not the first experience I have had doing this same sort of thing. I have memories of playing with my cousin and we would go down to a house that was about 3 doors down from mine and they had little bitty gravel in their driveway. We would grab some and put it in our mouths and spit it out. Either at each other or to see how far we could spit it. Anyways, I had done it before. But I was a bit younger back then and it might have been a bit more socially acceptable.

So I had the two dirt experiences with Macey and the shower and that was about it. I did like the smell of gasoline, but I didn't indulge in that one that time around.

This pregnancy has been way different. In more than one way. First, twins. Second, boys. Third, I have been having cravings since around week 5. In the beginning it started out as food cravings. I LOVED those Death Rain Habanero chips for about 3-4 weeks. I couldn't get enough of them. Those big huge Lindt milk chocolate bars were another. I lived off of apples it seemed for a couple of months. I'm sure there were more, but I can't really remember. I had a stash of food by or in my bed for a long time. The food cravings have died down a bit, but the non food cravings have hit hard the last couple of days.

I noticed it last week when I was cleaning the kitchen. I like to use Fantastic all purpose spray when I wipe the cupboards down and so I sprayed it and started to wipe everything up. The smell hit something in my brain and I couldn't get enough of it. It is a weird feeling to have something like that satisfy you in a way that you didn't know it could. Does that make sense? I didn't even know I wanted it, but once I had it, I felt...complete. The dirt has come back this week too. Driving today I had to mentally control myself to not pull over on the side of the road and suck some dirt off of some gravel. It's not just a mental thing either. I had a physical reaction to this craving. My mouth was seriously watering thinking about it. I have never had that happen with before. I don't know if it's because it's my 3rd pregnancy or it's boys or it's twins, but it has started earlier and the cravings are much more intense. I seriously feel like a druggie that needs to get a high. It's going to be a long 2 months of trying to refrain from eating dirt and whatever else might pop up.

I know this might sound crazy and weird, hopefully more funny. I know at first it was embarrassing, but I don't care anymore. I have gotten over it and don't mind sharing my twisted little cravings. Just don't tease me about it. You will then have a pregnant lady that will be ready to tear a strip off of you and your perfect self! Seriously.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

27 weeks

I saw my OB/GYN yesterday. I am 27 weeks now, which means I am into the final trimester already! Whoop whoop! It is also going to be my shortest trimester!

Anyways, my doctor is great. He doesn't beat around the bush. He doesn't fill my head with useless information that will just get me worried. The only things we talk about are the things I have questions about. When I go in I always have a list of questions, but by the time I get in there he is so calm and doesn't seem concerned, so I end up not asking anything. Most of the time anyways. I still haven't had to undress at all for any of my appointments, which is awesome! I don't have to give a urine sample every time either. I really like the atmosphere there. I know that people really truly have issues when they are pregnant, but sometimes I wonder if problems are created by the constant tests and worry that is put into our minds. So, I really like how they run their clinic. It helps ease my mind anyways.

I went in, he measured me and listened to both of the heart rates. He asked how I was feeling and if I was feeling a lot of movement. He told me that everything looked great. I had my glucose test done and that was good. My blood pressure was good, but I am anemic, so I need to up my iron and then we'll check it again later on. So nothing major. I asked him if I had grown big enough since I saw him last. He said 'Yes, why?" I told him that I get told I am too small to be having twins or you are so tiny. Stuff like that. He chuckled and said "You look great! You are measuring 32 weeks and your weight gain is really good. You can tell those people that I said you are doing awesome!"

So there. My OB/GYN said I am doing awesome! I bring it up because I hear it ALL the time. I take it as a compliment, but sometimes some people almost seem disappointed. I don't know why, but it makes me wonder if they are disappointed because they want to see what a twin belly looks like and mine looks normal, or they want to see me fat. Either way, I am glad that I carry my babies well. Just so you know, I have gained 27 lbs so far! 27 lbs at 27 weeks. I think that is a lot because I gained only 30-35 lbs with the girls. It is important to gain weight in the first 2 trimesters though with twins. There is a 24 lbs by 24 weeks rule. Your chances of delivering your babies early drops if you gain that weight. So, I think I am doing good. I did read another article that said 40 lbs by 28 weeks. Sorry, I won't be gaining 13 lbs over the next 6 days! My minimum weight gain for this pregnancy based on my prepregnancy weight and height is 37 lbs. I am supposed to be gaining around 1.5 lbs a week, so I should do just fine with my weight and size. Another thing I get told a lot after the size of my uterus is discussed is they feel like they need to remind me that I still have time to get enormous. Thanks, I know that already. Does that make you feel better about yourself? Okay, so I'm ranting a little. Cut me some slack, I'm pregnant :)

While I am on a bit of a tangent, I will discuss the next thing I get asked/told. It is "So, you're done having kids now, right?"

Ummm, I don't know. How am I supposed to know that? I haven't even had these kids yet! I get it in both question form and as a statement. I don't know if it's the fact that it's twins or because now our family is going to be 2 girls and 2 boys so they will be evened out. But it is definitely something that I hear ALL the time. I'm not necessarily against having more at this moment in time, but I can't see into the future and I really don't know what is going to happen.

All done ranting. A little bit more exciting stuff, well for me anyways. Since I am 27 weeks yesterday, I only have 10 weeks left! Well, 10 weeks until my twin due date and 11 weeks until they induce me if I go that far. So, I have max 11 weeks left of being pregnant! I am really hoping that I can hold out to 36 weeks. Jar is working from my week 35-36, so I will be happy with anytime after 36 weeks. Around 50% of twins come before 37 weeks and I think the average time they come is at 35.5 weeks. So it makes me a bit nervous, but once he is home, they can feel free to come when ever they want! In less than 2 weeks it will be August, so in 2 weeks that means I will be able to say that these babies are going to be here next month. Nerve racking, exciting, surreal.

Jar's sisters have both had babies in the last 2 months and on Sunday they were both together. They are close to the same weight, so I held them both at the same time to give me a glimpse into the future. Oh dear. It was pretty crazy. Pretty sure I've held two different babies before, but never when I am expecting two!

I am starting to get anxious for them to get here. I can't wait to see what they look like and to figure out the twin thing. Yes, to all you naysayers, I know it's going to be a lot of work and there are going to be bad days, but I don't have anything that I need to do other than take care of my kids and I know how to simplify. Mackie is old enough to do a lot and she is seriously the best little helper I have ever met. I have a chest freezer full of freezer meals and I am trying to get as much prepared as I can now. I am not really concerned about the after labor, it's just getting them here healthy and not knowing when it's all going to happen, that is stressful. Next month I start having regular ultrasounds to see how they are growing and to see their position. Once this starts, I know that a lot of my anxiety about how they are doing will drop a lot and it will ease my mind about delivery as well a bit. I am excited for this new adventure and I feel blessed that our family was chosen for this special opportunity. Come on 10 weeks and fly by!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Never ending!

The last couple of weeks I've been gung ho about getting this house clean. Not just clean, but organized clean. Yes, there is a difference :)

We have been renovating our main room for over a year now. Well, let's be honest, it's just been torn apart for over a year now and we haven't really done much the last 6 months. Most of our storage was in that room because there is a hide away spot under the stairs. So, we had a ton of stuff to find a place for. That ended up being the downstairs spare bedroom and the other bedroom upstairs. This worked for a bit, but it just seemed like after all that time, everything else in the house has gone to pot in the organization department. The big closet downstairs, the closet upstairs, the junk drawers, the laundry room. I could hide it well by closing drawers and doors, but it was really starting to drive me nuts! I'm on a deadline here!

I just started cleaning without really planning on it. It was the kitchen junk drawers first. Then the closet in the kitchen, then the dreaded closet downstairs. I planned on being done for the night, but I started in on the bedroom downstairs and I just couldn't stop! It still has things that are sitting in there, but at least someone can sleep down there again and there is room to move. Seriously, you couldn't walk in there and the room is huge! Then I started the bedroom upstairs. Even though I've done all of this cleaning and dejunking, my house is a disaster! It's just stuff. Stuff that needs a home, but everytime I put something away, I seem to find something else that is out of place. I know it will get done eventually, but it is so frustrating sometimes! At least it's not hard work. Just time consuming. I will feel so much better when it is all done.

The room that is being renovated should be done soon as well, so that is nice. Just a bit more mud and some sanding and paint. I am not doing any of it this time, so it's been slow going. But, once it's ready to paint, I will be a happy girl! Although we have that room to paint, the kitchen and the babies' room as well. I do have help with the painting, so that will be nice.

So even though it seems like a lot of work, the cleaning I mean, it's not that bad. If I kept at it steadily, I should be done in 2 or 3 days. I just get really tired, really easily lately. Surprise! I'm not used to taking breaks for stuff like that, even when I was pregnant with the girls. I have overdone it a few times lately and it takes a good 2 or 3 days to recover. I really hate it, so I am learning that I need to slow down and rest. Which is good I guess.

A quick update on pregnancy and I am done and then I have to go back to cleaning! I haven't gained much weight the last couple of weeks and that makes me a bit nervous, but my weight gain is in the normal range for a twin pregnancy weight gain, so that is a bit reassuring. I have less than 13 weeks max left. I would prefer less than 12 though. I know I don't have total control, but once I hit 36 weeks I will be doing acupressure and massage and whatever else I can to get labor going. Everything except castor oil. I took it with both girls and it worked, but I don't feel super comfortable doing it with the twins. My blood volume has increased by 100%. That's what all the twin calendars say. In a single pregnancy blood increase by only on average 40-50%. Although it can go up to 100% as well. But not until around 34 weeks I think it said. I am definitely feeling that increase. I am getting bloody noses, which really bites. The last one I remember getting was when I was 12. I never got them with my other pregnancies either. I get tired fast and shortness of breath really fast. I feel like I'm in the last month of pregnancy and I still have 2.5 left. Day by day, right? The babies are really kicking up a storm in the last week. Sometimes it's just one moving around and then the other will start up. Sometimes they are both going at it at the same time and it is quite the experience! It really is bizarre. The last thing that has changed in the last week is how much room, or lack of room, I have for food. I have thrown up a bit, not because I felt sick, but there is no room for it, so it just comes back up. Nice, right? Please don't think I'm complaining, I'm not. It's just the truth about what is going on and yes, it's uncomfortable and sometimes inconvient...not sure if that's the right word....but I'm glad it's happening and I wouldn't change it at all!