Clearing the mind :)

This week has been an interesting one for me. With my impending labor sneaking up on me, I have been doing what Jar calls nesting. The urge has been there for a long time, but last weekend scared me into "I-need-to-get-read-for-these-babies-early" mode. I thought I was prepared for them to come, but I was not. Well, not the way I'd like to be anyways. And I can admit that what I considered to be prepared might seem extreme to what others might considered to be prepared. I don't know.

So, this week I made sure the baby room was ready. It had been cleaned out and organized, but things were still needed to be done. I needed to wash the car seats because we bought them second hand, so I did that and in the process between the two of us we lost one half of one of the chest buckles and one of the little pieces that clips into the middle piece. I have searched high and low and still can't find the annoying things. I did call into Peg Perego and order some new pieces. I ended up having to pay for it because they have to send a complete harness, but at least it should be here before we need to be bringing babies home. And hopefully they are the pieces that I need! At least it's not a worry anymore.

The swings got brought down into the newly painted and FURNISHED living room! Jar worked his tail off on Monday to get the room finished. There are still things like trim and some decorating that need to be done, but it is livable in there now! I think his next days off we will start bringing stuff back up under the stairs into the storage area and get the downstairs room looking better.

I still have some things to do before I feel completely prepared, but it is all minor. Today I have an appointment in Lethbridge, so I will hopefully find some blankets and pillows to put in the new room and cute baskets to set up diaper stations around the house. I figure I'll need at least 3. One for my bedroom, living room, and downstairs. I think after tomorrow I will feel a whole lot better about everything if they were to come sooner than later.

Because I am going in to the doctor's today, I will have all 3 of us ready to have these babies, just in case. They are still packed from last weekend, and have their sleeping bags in, but I will throw my bag back in and their personal things they use everyday. I feel fine right now, but you never know I guess. It will stay that way too until these babies actually do come. Sound weird? Whatever, at least I won't be running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I won't have to worry about someone else trying to figure out what my girls need or what I might be needing. Living an hour away from Lethbridge in a little hamlet with no friends or family right in town makes it a bit different in the planning department, that's for sure. We do have people in Pincher that are willing to help, which is awesome. I've actually felt a lot of love from a lot of people in our ward this last month. It's been nice, but I wish it wouldn't have taken over 4 years. Maybe these babies will help me feel like I fit in a bit better afterwards. Hope so.

Anyways, today should be a good day! Full of shopping! Don't worry Jar, the bills are paid. And then I am going to have a couple of girls over to watch a movie. It's probably the last weekend that Jar is gone before these boys arrive and I had said when the room was finished I was going to have a party one weekend he was gone. I was going to do a Pinterest party with food and crafts, but that is just a bit over my head right now. So a couple of girls and snacks is perfect! Can't wait!

Crisis averted.......for now

So yesterday started like any other day. Except that it was Macey's birthday and we had to get up at 7 in the morning so we could get to the zoo. We had a really good time. I rented a power scooter so I wouldn't over do it. I got laughed at, but I am glad I did it. Then we went to dairy queen and had an Ariel ice cream cake and opened presents. Macey was happy to see everybody, and of course open presents! :)

We left Calgary before 6 in the evening. We were hoping to get home early so the girls could have shower before bed. We had to be up early again to be in Cranbrook for 10 o'clock church. Jaron's sister's baby was being blessed, so we were going to hang out for the day. We bought some furniture for the newly renovated room and it was supposed to be picked up in Lethbridge Monday for it. Doesn't this sounds like a nice pleasant weekend? Busy, but nice, and planned. Well, plans are apparently made to be changed. At least it seem so in our house.

It might start to get a little graphic soon. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Sometime in the evening, I felt a gush of fluid. It wasn't just a lot of the "regular" stuff, but liquid as well. It went through to my pants. I started to freak out in my head just a wee bit. I didn't want to get Jar worked up, so I just kept it to myself for a bit and to see if anything else was going to leak or if contractions would start.

So we got home and got the girls showered and in bed. I went and showered and then went downstairs to talk to Jar. I was more worried that if it was my water had broken, I didn't want to chance infection, but if it wasn't, then no big deal. A least I would know. I wasn't really feeling right either. So I asked Jar if he would clean up the kitchen while I got packed up. I told him calmly what was going on and that I thought it was best to go get checked now while it was still earlier in the night. He got to cleaning and I got to packing.
The girls have had an overnight bag in the van for over a month now, just in case. I packed a weeks worth of stuff though, because I knew if the boys came now, I wouldn't be going home until they did. So I packed my stuff and the girls stuff and we all got in the van. The girls got dropped off at a friends' house while we were at the hospital so that Jar could be in there too. Apparently the girls didn't go back to sleep after that. Oooops! Sorry!

They got me in and tried to hook me up to the fetal monitors. It took forever. They kept getting the same baby's heart beat on both of the monitors. Once they got it all figured out they started doing different tests. I had two different tests to see if my water had actually broken. They both came back negative! I was thrilled! They did another test called an ffn test. It is a fetal fibronectin test. It's a test that helps determine I someone is going into premature labor. A positive test is a bit more inconclusive. It means the chance is higher of giving birth in the next week or two, but it can go longer. It not definitive. If it's negative your chance of going into labor within the next two weeks is around 1%. My test came back positive.

Once they told me that everything started to go downhill. They hooked me up to the iv and started pumping the fluids....fast. It was so cold I started to shiver really bad. I got a steroid shot to help develop the babies' lungs and they told me I was being sent by ambulance to Lethbridge because they didn't want me there. So Jar went and grabbed the girls because we had arrangements for someone to pick them up there so they would be close. He came back and brought them in to say good bye. They were in there jammies and you could tell that they were a bit confused and concerned. I wanted to cry. For them, for the babies, for me, but I knew I couldn't in front of them so I gave them big hugs and told them I loved them. I told them it was alright and I would see them tomorrow sometime, so be good girls while you are away. Ugh! I hate stuff like that. They watched the ambulance people put me on the bed and lift me high up and wheeled me away. I may have started to tear up then.

We made it to Lethbridge pretty much uneventful. Jar met our friend outside the hospital, so he was in right away. I had been getting the odd contraction since the hospital, but my mind was in other places to really pay attention to them. My back was starting to hurt and the contractions were starting to hurt as well. When we got to the hospital, we waited in the hallway while I got checked in quick. I had a contraction there. We walked down to the elevator. I had a contraction there. Up to my room, went to the bathroom and the contractions started to come. Ever so slowly and then harder and they were about a minute apart.

My nurse checked me and I was 2cm dilated. This freaked me out. They had already given me some stuff to make the contractions stop and it didn't seem to be working. I had hard contractions for about 8 hours and they finally started to go away. I didn't go any further than 2-3 cm, so that was good. Once they stopped they kept me on the monitors for awhile to make sure that it had stopped and stayed stopped.

I saw my doctor right around the time they were stopping. He wanted an ultrasound done and another steroid shot. He figured I would be there until Monday morning sometime if everything had remained the same. He left and the nurse brought me some juice and told me it should help. Oh, I forgot. Apparently they thought I was dehydrated. Hahaha! Apparently they do not live with me or drive in my van. There are water bottles ALL around! But water is not good enough for some reason. I have now been switched to powerade and juice. I can still have water, but I need to be drinking this other stuff. Which is fine really. They probably pumped 6 bags of iv fluid into me over the course of the time I was there. I'm pretty sure I gained at least 5 lbs in just water weight. I feel so puffy! They thought I was dehydrated because no matter how much water they pumped into me I kept showing ketones in my urine.

Anyways, where was I? Sorry, I am running two hours of sleep in the last 37. Brain is not functioning properly!

My nurse came back and said that my doctor would be in sometime soon and he was saying that if I was feeling good he would let me out that evening. I just had to get a shot at Pincher Hospital later tonight and see him in his office this week. Ummmmm, yes please! He didn't put me on bed rest either! Yay! I do not plan on doing anything but lay in bed and do the stuff that needs to be done. But at least I am not bed ridden yet.

The ultrasound showed that they were still in the same position as last week. One head down and the other head up. So that was good. Things couldn't have turned out better! It was scary and I was prepared mentally for them to come today. I am glad they didn't. My goal is still 3 more weeks, but even one would be awesome! So, I will keep praying and resting and hopefully they like it in there a little longer :)

Oh, and I think the 8 hours of labor I just went through should count towards my total amount of labor in the end, don't you? Haha! Of course I couldn't have two babies with one labor, I had to have at least 2!

One last tidbit. My next worry is Jar is leaving for work on Tuesday for a week! Please babies, stay in until daddy gets home! I know we have lots of family and friends to help us and support us. It really is a blessing! I am grateful for the people that helped us last night and today. I sure did help ease my mind knowing they were somewhere where they liked to be and were comfortable being. It actually helped me decide how I would like to handle the girls if these boys do come early and need to be in the NICU for a bit. Which was actually kinda nice. I want them to be in Lethbridge with us so that we are all together and I don't have to miss them. It is definitely the best plan for this mama! Jar will take them to our friends' house to stay the night and during the day I have some people to take them during the day. That's the plan anyways. I think they will do better that way as well. They will be included with what is going on, but also out having fun with their friends. Win win.

Sorry for the ramblings, my brain is fried and there is ALOT going through this head of mine right now!

Happy!

Hopefully you are not too tired of hearing about this pregnancy of mine! I don't know about any of you, but when I am pregnant, it's almost all I can think about the whole 9 months. I find that children in all stages are mind consuming. Whether it's trying to get pregnant, you are pregnant, or children themselves, they consume my mind. Sometimes in a stressful way, but most of the times it's just wondering, thinking, hoping. This pregnancy has been different, obviously. It doesn't make it more important or more exciting, just different. It has brought on different stresses that the girls never did. I never really worried about the girls coming early, I didn't worry about NICU, and I didn't really have to worry about what to do with the other kids if I had to be at the hospital for an extended period of time.

These worries have become stronger over the last week. I am now 32 weeks which is AWESOME! What's even better is that these boys are BIG! They are both measuring about a week ahead of schedule. They both weigh 4 lbs 6 oz. One must be a bit longer because one is 6 days ahead of schedule and the other is 8. So for being the same weight, I am assuming the measurements are different. I'm sure it's not that much, because really, how big does a baby have to be to hide an oz or two? So this was really good news for me. It took away the worry of how they were growing and if they were growing at a good rate in comparison to each other. If their weight differs by too much, the chances of taking them early are much higher. So now I don't have to worry about that. Unless something changes, but I don't really see that happening. I will talk to my doctor on Friday and hopefully I'll get some more info on things. I want to know more about the steroid shot for their lungs. I want to know if them being bigger will make them come earlier in the end. There's only so much room in there! I will find out when my next ultrasound is on Friday as well. This last one I had was really quick and wasn't the one I thought I was having. I think the next one I have will be at the hospital and have the scoring. There are just so many unknowns. I hate it. Oh well, they will be here soon enough! Even if they came at 35 weeks, which I think would be awesome, that is only 3 weeks away. 3 weeks! They could still take 6 weeks though.

Here are some pictures of Baby A from yesterday. For some reason they didn't give me any pictures of Baby B. Oh well, hopefully next time. This one is his profile. He sure does look pretty squished in there!

 I absolutely love this picture of his hand! It is just so perfect.There are mini people in my tummy!

I know that at my 18 week ultrasound I saw both babies in there, but for some reason it didn't really sink in that I was having 2 babies. Even when I went to the doctor and heard 2 different heart beats, I still worried and was in disbelief that there were really 2 babies in my tummy. I still am in disbelief, but it is starting to become more of a reality. I don't know if it was this last ultrasound and seeing them, knowing if they were born today, they would survive and thrive. They might not get home for awhile, but they should be healthy and strong. Maybe it was finding out that I have more baby in me than I ever have had. I probably have more baby in me than I have had baby plus all the other stuff that is in there. Maybe not quite, but close! Or maybe it was finding out how they were positioned. That definitely helped me with my bonding. It's nice to know who is kicking me and hurting me.

I really like their positioning. It's not ideal, but we can work with it. Baby A is head down. This made me sooo happy! This was one of the things I was worried about as well. I know the chances of having a C-section are higher, but I didn't want that to be my only option. Because Baby A is head down, they will let me try and do it naturally. With an epidural of course! Another worry of mine....that they will come fast and I won't get an epidural. Anyways, Baby A, who I considered to be Cooper, is head down and his back is to my left side. His arms and feet are facing towards the middle of my stomach. Baby B, who I considered to be Walker, is head up. His arms and feet are also facing the middle of my stomach. So they are like a yin yang! I thought it was kinda cute! I am almost half expecting them to come out with black eyes from boxing each other in there. I'm interested to see if they change position at all on my next ultrasound. Hopefully not going from head down to head up though!

And if you're wondering if they will let me deliver naturally with one that is head up, the answer is yes! My doctor told me that as long as Baby A is head down they will let me try. He said he didn't care what Baby B was doing, he'll just reach in a pull him out. Literally. Ouch! I really hope I get that epidural.

So for now I am happy with how things are going and am a bit relieved. They will still be on my mind until they get here. My goal is to go 4 more weeks. Well, they need to wait 29 days. Jar will be home and they will be big and doing well. If they gain an ounce a day like most babies do, they will be over 6 lbs each by then! So, we will see. Until then, well, until the come, I will just be happy with how everything has gone and how well they are doing. I couldn't ask for more. I don't know why we were blessed with these boys, but I know they were meant to come together at this point in my life. I know that this pregnancy has been easy. Well, as easy as it can be. My nausea is minimal, my body seems to be built for this, so the level of uncomfortableness and pain has been minimal as well. I do have a very high pain tolerance, so that might be part of it as well. Don't get me wrong. I am tired, I am in pain, I am uncomfortable, but I am pregnant with twins, so that is to be expected. I just know that some people have it a lot worse than I do.

I always hoped that my third labor would be the one that was drama and trauma free. It's definitely going to be very dramatic, but I'm still hoping for an easy labor. Even if doesn't go perfectly, it would be nice to have these babies and me be healthy and no life threatening scares!

The days are long, but they will be here before I know it!

Crazy week ahead! Good thing for BA masseusses!

Today was pretty uneventful. I spent the day recovering from yesterday's trip to Lethbridge and tried to get some cleaning done and the laundry done. I wasn't completely recovered from last weekend, so I decided it would be best to recharge today and tomorrow because then things really start to pick up for awhile!

Monday I go back in to Lethbridge for a biometry ultrasound. They will measure their sizes and weights in relation to each other and what their percentile is. I don't know much more about it. I am excited though to see them even it is only an ultrasound! Tuesday will be another cleaning day because then Jar gets home the next day. Thursday we are hoping to hit the temple in the morning and then my baby shower in Pincher is happening that evening. I really hope to make it to the temple because I haven't been since I've been pregnant and I LOVE going when I am pregnant. Especially when I'm further along. I think it's neat to be as close to them as I possibly can be at the time. Anyways, Friday is back to Lethbridge for another doctor appointment, Saturday is Calgary Zoo for Macey's birthday, and Sunday is Cranbrook for my sister in law's baby blessing. Then home!

I am really looking forward to Friday as well, because everytime I go in to my doctor, I get a prenatal massage as well. It is AWESOME! I would highly recommend it to anyone that is pregnant whether you feel you need it or not. The place I go to has a pregnancy massage table, so it has a hole in the table to put your belly in. None of this lying on your side business! It is so nice to just lay there. The first girl I saw is really great. It's more of a relaxing type of massage where she works on circulation and my sore spots. Sometimes it hurts, but it's not too bad. Yesterday when I was in I had a different girl. I try to not judge someone by their looks, but some people make it really hard. I walked in to the massage place knowing I had someone new. There stood a girl covered in tattoos and piercings. Her head was shaved underneath her long hair and it was pulled back with a big bandana wrapped around her head. She was very intimidating. She was going to be the one to rub me down! I tried really hard not to stare at what was all going on with her physically. I find it hard not to stare at people that make such a statement with their looks. I kept trying to imagine why she would want to do that to herself. I am not against people with tattoos or piercings. I could care less. She was excessive though. She looked like she should be working in a tattoo shop instead of a massage place. She turned out to be really nice though. I figured she would be. I know that just because you have different taste in style or appearance, doesn't make you mean or weird, just......different. Anyways, once I was settled in the room she came in and turned on the music. It was not the traditional river flowing, flute playing, birds chirping type of music. It was Ozzy, his softer, slower music, and other rock stuff that was on the softer side. I didn't mind it. I knew all of the songs. It was just different.

She started to work on my legs first. You need to know that I have extremely sensitive fat. For those of you who are thinking "You have no fat", I do. Whether I am pregnant or at my skinniest, I have always had some fat and it is sensitive. Especially in my thighs. Let's say I have sensitive adipose tissue. Right now, I definitely have extra adipose tissue. When she started massaging my leg I wanted to cry! She has the strongest chick hands! She asked if the pressure was okay or if I wanted more. I said it was good. I kept trying to not flinch. I knew that it would feel a lot better after, so I tried to just take it. Well, I actually did just take it. She was digging her elbow into my butt and twisting my legs around. She kept elbowing the side of my butt and hips. I was oh so painful, but good at the same time. It was MUCH different than the girl I have been seeing. Once she moved up to my back I thought all would be better. I was wrong! She continued the torture on my lower back and sides. She had my arms twisted around and digging her elbows into my shoulder blades. She had her forearms grinding all the way up my back. I found out that I have ticklish spots in the middle of my back that make me flinch only when an extreme amount of pressure is applied. Again, it was painful, but good at the same time. She would ease up for a few minutes when she was going to move to another spot and it felt wonderful!!

It was interesting to see how different people massage differently. They both are really good, just different. It was funny to me though how the one girl looked......softer and massaged softer, and the girl that looked.......harsher, massaged harsher. I am going back on Friday and I see the torturous one again. I am looking forward to it though. It really does make me feel better. I kept telling myself when she was rubbing my legs that she was just breaking up all my fat cells and hopefully my cellulite will leave that much quicker! Don't worry, I did tell her that it hurt. I told her that I couldn't believe how bad that completely sucked after each area. She knew I was hurting! I still can't get over how strong her hands are! Oh well, I'll let them do their magic on me as long as I can. It's better than not having it done :)

One last story and I will finish. My upstairs FINALLY got painted!!! I can't believe I have forgotten to post this. So, last weekend, the weekend I am still recovering from, Jar and I, and my sister Madison spent Saturday and Monday painting. We got the ceiling painted and the living room and the kitchen done! The trim still needs to go up this week and we need to get some furniture put in, but the hard work is all done! It looks weird, just because it's different, but it looks good! The ceiling got painted black. The living room is a light green and the kitchen is grey. The green wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I'm hoping once everything is put in the room and it's all decorated it won't be so bright. It's a light green, but brighter than I was wanting. I like it now, but it can always be painted later on if I decide I don't like it. It's just a huge thing that has been crossed off my list and I am grateful for that!

So by the time our busy week and a half is finished I will be 33 weeks! I think I will have one week to recuperate before Mackie goes back to school and then these babies will be here before I know it! If everything went my way they will come in one month, or more. They would be 36 weeks and Jar would be home. I am praying for good results on my ultrasound so that this plan of mine will happen :)

Goodbye Summer!!!

Well, summer is almost over and I can't wait! There are so many reasons that I want summer to be done. Normally I don't want it to end, but this year, it is very much welcome around here.

My top reasons summer can go away right now

-The heat is unbearable in my condition
-Mackinley is a great help around the house, but I NEED her to go back to school for Macey's sake. They have really good days, but I have no tolerance for their fighting right now
-That much closer to not being pregnant
-That much closer to meeting these baby boys!
-I really would like to have a schedule back. We all do so much better on a schedule

I will be sad when Mackie goes back to school, but I think overall it will bet better for the girls. I just don't have to energy or motivation to be constantly entertaining them. I know they are just bored and I am excited to have Macey to myself, even if it's for a very short time. She does so much better when she's by herself and she really is quite the sweetheart. So is Mackie, but she doesn't have the same evil streak that Macey does, she's almost always quite pleasant.

Quick baby update. Things are coming close to an end, whether they go to 38 weeks or not. 38 weeks is just over 6 weeks away. So, in 6 weeks or less I will get to meet these 2. Crazy! I haven't gotten a lot bigger around. I'm just over 41 inches around right now. Because my tummy hasn't dropped down and out yet, they are still going up. Actually, it feels like they are wrapping around the back. At least one of them is. I am perfectly ok with them not going out. I will sacrifice breathing for not having a super stretched stomach. I know that it can all change quickly though.

I see my doctor tomorrow and I will find out when my first biophysical ultrasound is. I've never had one of them, so it should be interesting. It will just be nice to see that they are doing well. It's been 4 weeks since I've seen my doctor, and I'm a little paranoid, so it will be nice to hear heartbeats and see them moving around. I definitely feel them moving, but it's hard to distinguish who's who when I don't know how they are positioned. So, it should make it a bit more fun for me to know what they are doing.

In the last 2 months or so I have heard of 4 sets of twins that were born at the 32-33 week mark. That would be like me having my babies next week! I am not ready for that at all! If they come early I would like them to come during week 34. Jar will be home and they wouldn't be in NICU for as long. Once again, I know I have no control, but a girl can hope right? :) My ideal way of everything happening would be anytime after 36 weeks. Jar will be home and they should be healthy enough to go home very shortly after. They may be able to just go home.

Right now I am just trying to mentally prepare myself for them coming early. I knew that it was possible, but now that I'm at that point, it has kinda hit me that I am not prepared for that. I can figure out what to do with the girls, but I haven't prepared myself to deal with it. I will be talking to my doctor tomorrow to see if I can get a glimpse at the NICU and get more info in that department. Maybe even the labor and delivery area. Except I will be delivering in an operating room, so that probably won't do me any good.

Sorry, I am rambling. I just have a lot on my mind and it really helps to type it all out. Some of it may be repetitive, but this is what I think about 24/7! Tomorrow will help me out a lot in the emotional/mental department, plus I get another massage! Seriously the best decision I have made in this pregnancy! I really wish I would have done it with my girls. Oh well. I guess I know better for next time......ha!

Robots

Right now I should be packing and cleaning the house to get ready to leave for our family reunion this weekend. It's up by Rocky Mountain House somewhere, so we'll head up to my parents' house tonight and head out there tomorrow sometime. For some reason though, I just can't muster up the energy to do it. Most of the time I am good at doing something, even when I don't want to, when there is a dead line, but today......I am having a hard time doing it.

I don't know if it's just being in the house with the girls and we're all going crazy or I'm just really tired. I am looking forward to the weekend, but I know that it's going to take a lot out of me at the same time. Thankfully my family is really good at helping me out. Normally I don't like people taking over the "mom" role when I'm around, but this weekend might be an exception. We will see.

So, to get to the title I'll explain a little bit. I've been frustrated with things around here a bit. I won't go into details, but being a wife and mom really is the most thankless job around. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my life, I have it really good. There are just times when it would be nice to feel appreciated for everything that a stay at home mom does. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not trying to make my family feel bad either. It's just a general overall feeling. So, on days like today when I'm not really full of energy and motivation I try to think of the good things and my blessings. The most recent one I've been using a lot to help me appreciate my children is the following:

Mackinley and Macey walking around talking like robots......

Macey - I.am.a.ro.bot.......I.eat.hu.mans.
Mackinley - I.am.a.pup.py.ro.bot.
Macey - I.am.a.pup.py.ro.bot.too......we.need.to.find.kit.ties.

Okay, so whoever says thinks that girls aren't as strange and rough like boys, has never met my girls. Seriously, where do kids come up with this stuff? I continually amazed at how their little minds work. I love when their quirky little personalities shine through. They really are the best and I am one lucky mom!

Now, hopefully that is enough to get me going again!