Hippie ways

I really should be going to bed, but my mind just won't stop thinking about the new, cool things I have gotten myself into :)

I got back this evening from the states. I took all 4 kids by myself and stayed the night in Kalispell. I had a bunch of packages to pick up and a bit of shopping to do, so we went down, picked up my stuff and spent today shopping. I gotta say, I was a wee bit nervous to sleep at the hotel with the twins. We did it 3 weeks ago, and it was not a very fun night. The boys were up too late and they were up too early. Jar was around though, so he took the early risers for breakfast while I tried to get some more sleep. This time, it was me. They still went to bed late, but there were no tears. There was a bunch of laughter between the boys and happy shrieks, but no crying! It was really cute. They didn't even wake up too early! They definitely needed more sleep, but they slept until 8. Too bad the bed firmness and pillow softness and amount wasn't satisfactory with my sleep plans. Today would have been much better if the mom was well rested! It wasn't all that bad, but I had to work really hard to keep it together. I hate being out in public and giving them a reason to say I have bit off more than I can chew, or that I have too much to handle with my 4 kids. Not that it is anyone's business, but people seem to think it is. For example....today for lunch we went to Bajio's. We were in line and the lady in front of us turned and looked at us as we came around the corner and said "Oh my goodness! You need to have more babies!" Now, this might not sound too bad. But, her tone was extremely sarcastic and mean. It wasn't an "Oh, you have beautiful, well-behaved children! Please populate the world with more of them" type of tone. I was not too impressed and I normally smile at the stupid comments or questions that comes with twins, but this time I just looked at her and said "I actually would love to have more babies." She smiled and looked away. Now, if my kids were running around, screaming, looking haggard, then maybe I could agree with her, or not be so annoyed. Maybe. But, all 4 of them were quiet. No running. Clean clothes. Hair done. I realize all of this doesn't mean amazing children (mine are) but I feel that it should not be so intimidating to people to make them say stupid things. Anyways, can you tell this worked me up a little? A very nice lady came up to us while were eating and stopped and told me what a beautiful family I had. How nice. That is what you say to people with what you think is a lot of kids.

Anyways, where was I?

Packages that I picked up! So, I have become very interested in the whole preventative health field lately. I have always been interested, but have never really done much about it or knew much about it. I have started using essential oils through Young Living in the past couple of weeks and holy smokes! I do not know why I didn't start using them a long time ago! I am also getting into herbal remedies like homemade tinctures and salves. I am hoping that between the oils and the herbs I can be prepared to handle most of our sickness without medicine!

Along the same lines, I bought all of the stuff to make my own laundry detergent! I am not a frugal type. I love a good deal, but there are somethings that I will pay full price for. Tide laundry detergent is one of them. I am really trying to cut out excess chemicals though, so I thought I would give the homemade stuff a whirl and see if I like it. I added some of those Downy scent booster things, but other than that, everything is natural. I was hesitant to make it with Borax because it is an irritant, but I figured I would try it first and if we don't like it, find somebody who does and try out a new recipe! And get this, it should last me close to a year and it only cost me around $25 to make. What? Why didn't I know about this stuff sooner? Next on my list is to make my own shampoo and conditioner. I have tried the whole "no-poo" craze, but I didn't like it all that much. I am still trying to find a recipe that I really like. I am close to finding it. I will be tweaking a few different recipes I think.

Another thing that I am excited about is Bentonite Clay! I have always wanted to do a heavy metal detox and this stuff does that! I just had my first Bentonite Clay bath tonight. We shall see in a few days how I feel. The last month has been very cleansing. I started with a parasite cleanse. Oh.My.Lanta. I never actually saw a parasite, but wow! Ummmm, let's just say, it cleaned me out! It was awesome! I felt awful the first two days and then I felt really good. I started taking essentials oils that were supposed to help alkalize my body and cleanse. I started to get really itchy all over, but especially my palms. It finally went away, but it just showed me how unhealthy my body really was. I am sleeping more sound and I have more energy and I have much more patience. Probably because I am sleeping better :) Is it bad that I pushed the questing mark key to make my smiley emoticon because that is where it is on my ipad? Hahaha.

So, that is my new interest lately. Anybody that knows me well, knows that when I get into stuff like this, it is all or nothing. I can't just buy a little here or there. I even signed Jar up as a distributor underneath me for the oils because I wanted another diffuser ASAP and they are sold out until April unless you buy one of their beginner kits and it comes with it. I was desperate ok? I still need 3 more! Anybody wanna sign up and give me their diffusers? At least Jar is good and doesn't harass me too much. Especially this stuff. I have used the food storage approach to convince him it is a good investment. Which it is, but I find it is just another creative type of outlet for me. Something new. I like it.

Married Single Mom

I am a married single mom. Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes it's not.

The times I like it are at bedtime. I have a huge king-size bed all to myself....and the twins on and off through the night....but mostly to myself. No one snoring or breathing bad breath on me. Sometimes it's easier to get everybody out the door when it's just me. Go figure that one out! I don't have to cook for someone that has to have more than a salad or Ichiban or Kraft Dinner. I don't have to expect any kind of effort from any other parent, I know that if I want something done I need to do it myself. It's quiet time and just-me time when the kids are in bed. I can shut down and do my own thing. If this sounds like I am complaining about Daddy being home, I am not. These are just the times when I find it to be easier when Daddy is gone. Easier isn't always better!

The times I don't like being a married single mom are when it's raining cats and dogs and my roof is leaking all over everything and I twisted my ankle and something/someone crashed around in the garage and I have to clean it all up before bedtime kind of days. I will have to carry two babies around tomorrow and have the house cleaned and have everyone packed and drive to my parents' house this weekend. I don't like being a married single mom on those kind of days as much. When the power goes out and there is not much to do, I kinda like to have company around. When I run out of shows to watch or Netflix isn't working, I like having someone to get me more shows. My feet don't rub themselves. On nights like tonight when I am panicking about if I can remember how to load the gun....or thinking maybe it's easier to go out there with my metal Jesus bust....or my scrapbooking knife that is laying on my desk, right before I am going to go check out what is crashing around my garage...I'd rather not have to do any of it. Seriously though, I just ran and locked the deadbolt and the doorknob. Quick fix!

There is not much I can do about my situation. For the most part, it works. We are still trying to figure out things and adjust to it all, but we are extremely fortunate for Daddy to have such a great job! I am only by myself for 9 days at the most, but everything happens on those 7-9 days. Monsters bump in the night. Babies grow up. Kids lose teeth. Fall off bikes. Moms twist ankles.

Maybe tomorrow I will be brave enough to check out the garage in the daylight :)

P.S. - even though it is super awesome to sleep by myself in my ginormous bed and not be breathed on, it is still better to have Daddy home. I sacrifice like that :)

Milestones

Seriously, where does the time go?

The twins are 36 weeks and 3 days old today. That is how far along in my pregnancy I got with them. They just made it to day 3 by 2 hours, but since I didn't get to sleep the night they were born, it feels like they were 36 weeks and 2 days. I guess it doesn't really matter anyways. I can't believe they have been out as long as they have been in! They have teeth and are crawling all over and are trying to walk already!

I am an emotional mom. There is no hiding that. I have a love/hate relationship with milestones. This past month was filled with twin memories of last year. I found out last year that we were having twins on May 17th. It was the Thursday before the long weekend. I found out they were both boys the following Tuesday. That weekend we had gone up to Lacombe and we went and saw the movie What To Expect When You're Expecting. I loved the movie! It was the perfect movie for that weekend in particular. I remember telling the hubs after watching it that I was so glad that I saw it when I was pregnant and not in my i-hate-any-pregnant-person phase. It would have been way too hard to watch. Anyways, this year that whole weekend I was reminiscing about it all. We even watched the same movie. It was nice.

Another milestone.....my baby girl turned 7 last week! She is a great kid! And she truly is a kid now. It is so weird. I find I feel extremely inadequate when trying to discipline or explain things to her. She needs more than "Because I said so". She is a little mini adult and it is just going to get harder I suppose. Good thing she is such a good kid. The whole day of her birthday, I just kept thinking about what I was doing 7 years prior. It was not a good recollection. Her birth was more traumatizing than I could ever imagine. I know some people have had it worse, but I didn't realize how much it affected me until I had Macey. At the time I was so excited. She was perfect and I was finally a mom! I am glad each birth got progressively easier after that though. Who would've thought that having twins would be my easiest pregnancy and labor? Not me!

Macey is doing so well right now! Something must have just clicked somewhere along the line. She still has her moments. Like today. She cried and cried because she didn't want to put her clothes away by herself. She wasn't allowed to have supper until her clothes were put away. I was cooking supper and Mackie was watching the boys. So she cried. Mackinley finally helped her when she could and Macey was right as rain after that. She is one of the most kindhearted kids I have ever met though. She loves to give things to people. I know lots of kids do that, but she wanted to give something she liked very much to someone so they would like her as much as she liked them. It was so sweet. I almost cried.

We have had a crazy week. It has been full of cleaning an destruction and organizing and mess. We had a garage sale this past weekend. We still have a lot to sell, but it was nice to get some things cleaned out and organized a bit. I hate clutter and stuff. I hate keeping stuff just because. It's stuff. If we don't use it, get rid of it! If we need it down the line, we can always get a new one. That's my reasoning anyways. So the house is still a disaster from pulling everything out, but there is less to put away :) That is my project for the week. Get the house cleaned up. It needs to be ready to paint our room for next week! And we are going to buy a bed! We have been married for 8 years and we have never had a bed. We have always just put our mattresses on the ground. It's been fine, but we found the perfect bed and if all goes as planned, it will be up next week. I am so excited!

The boys room was finally painted a couple of weeks ago. They are no longer in a pink room. It is chocolate brown now and it looks really good. It will go well with the whole sock monkey theme I have going on for them.

Well, that's about it. I can hear some babies crying :)

Updates

So much has happened the last little while and things are continually changing around here. These kids are keeping me busy!

I guess a quick update will have to do!

First off, the twins. Oh, the twins! They are both sitting up! They are 6 1/2 months old already. They eat baby food. Walker took a bit longer to figure out the whole eating thing, but he is a champ now! Cooper is a bit more picky with what he likes to eat. Cooper popped out two teeth overnight 2 weeks ago! Walker is still toothless. Walker is my little mover. He has been rolling all over since he was 4 months old. He is so close to crawling already! Cooper is a brick. He can roll over. He just doesn't. He likes to just lie on his back. Walker likes to lie on his stomach. They are really good sleepers. They get up a few times to eat in the night, but they don't have play time. They still sleep better swaddled. They are so extremely different and I love it!

Macey is doing really well. Her outbursts have started to calm down again. Except this last weekend while we were in Salt Lake. Oh boy! I thought I was going to lose my mind! She is more work sometimes than the twins. She FINALLY can write her name. She refused for so long and now she just does it. She still needs a bit of help, but she will at least do it now! She is a huge helper and she normally likes to do it. She is a little tired of taking diapers to the garbage though. Can't say I blame her. Twin boys, enough said. I have worked really hard at trying to get her to be happy and everyday I can see a difference as long as I keep her scheduled and fed. She still eats all day long. She is still my hardest challenge, but she also brings some of my greatest joy. She talks non stop and is always hilarious. She is my feisty little girl!

Mackinley is doing really well in school. She has been busy! They went skiing last month and they are in swim lessons right now. She is a good little reader. It is fun to listen to her read books to the boys. She is not a little kid anymore :( She is turning into a kid. She is almost 7! She still hasn't lost any teeth yet though. I think I will be sad when she does. They are wiggly, so it's just a matter of time. I almost cried when Cooper got his first teeth. I really hope that Mackinley doesn't lose her first tooth when Walker gets his first tooth. I will be a mess! I love that my kids are growing up, but I hate it at the same time.

I know that we do want to have another baby sometime, but I also know that that doesn't mean we will. I am treasuring every moment with the boys because it might be my last firsts with them. It might be the last time we have baby giggles. It might be the last first teeth. The last learning-how-to-sit, or crawl, or walk, or talk. I gotta stop thinking about this stuff! It really gets to me for some reason. I hope it's not our last firsts, but I know that I am blessed to have 4 beautiful kids! I didn't even think I would be able to have that many. So I will just enjoy all of the 'firsts' that I still have with all 4 of them!

We are hoping to move soon. I want to be able to put our house up for sale in the next month or two. We love our house, but we have outgrown it. We could do a lot of work to get our family to fit in this house comfortably, but I am tired of renovations when hubby works away from home more than half the time. It takes FOREVER to get anything done. So, I'd rather just move and find a house that doesn't need any extensive work done and it fits us all. Plus, the money we would put in to an addition or whatever we would have to do, would just go towards a newer and bigger house. Makes sense to me. Plus, I could really use a bit more socializing. I have friends, but it is hard to get together with people out here especially with hubby's work. So, it just makes sense to move. Know of anybody that wants to buy a house out here?

I seem to talk mostly about my kids with little jabs of me here and there. Well, my kids are my whole world right now and yes, I do feel like I have lost 'myself' somewhere in there. I literally sit on the couch most days and do nothing but deal with babies. When they are all in bed I should be cleaning and doing laundry, and some nights I do, but a lot of the times, I just sit and do nothing. I catch up with my shows. I go on the computer. I just zone out. It is awesome. I love bedtime.

Mentally, I think I am handling these twins, well, all of the kids, pretty well. I don't stress out too much and I have been pretty happy. By the end of the day, yes, I am tired, but we have good days. I am actually quite surprised at how well we have done. Physically on the other hand.....let's just say I am not too happy. First, I am totally okay with being bigger right now. I understand I had twins. I understand that I am nursing twins and my body is doing what it needs to do to sustain two babies' lives. I really dislike having to buy a bunch of new clothes. I know eventually I will get rid of it, but I am a little disappointed that nursing twins hasn't melted the extra weight off. The problem with it all though is that it hurts. My fat that is. It is always tender, but now that I have more, it hurts more. I am constantly in pain in my joints and I am always really tired. I did decide to do some exercise to see if that would help, but it only made my exhaustion worse. I went to the doctor this week and had some blood work done. I haven't heard anything, which is good I guess. But I was hoping they would have some answers. 5 more months of nursing before I start weaning. Oh, and the last 2 months I have been dealing with a plugged milk duct. It started out as a plugged milk duct and then it turned into a milk bleb. I love that word. Bleb. Anyways, it is basically dried up milk that is stuck and it won't come out. It is sensitive and most of the time it is bearable, but some days it hurts pretty bad. About once every week or two it turns into a plugged duct and I deal with that for a day or two and it's good again. Only 5 more  months of nursing before I start to wean. Did I mention that already? Anyways, that is the worst of my problems, so I really can't complain. I can handle a bit of discomfort. I think it's worth it anyways. I love nursing my babies. I am not really pro breastfeeding and anti-bottle for the general population, but for myself I am. I never thought I would be a gung-ho nurser, but I am.

We just got back from Salt Lake on Monday. At 6 am. After driving for 14 hrs. Through the night. With 4 kids. Two of them 6 months old.  Everybody actually did pretty good. Saturday was our/my worst day. We went down with my parents for General Conference. I love being down there for Conference. Everybody had tickets for Saturday afternoon session and Jar had a ticket for the Priesthood session. Let me just back track a minute. Thursday we got up bright and early. We were on the road just after 6. We got to our hotel around 8 that night. Friday we were up and ready to leave the hotel at 9 in the morning. We didn't get back to the hotel until around 10:30 that night. Saturday morning we were up and ready to go by 9 in the morning again. We sat around Temple Square for the morning session. I headed over to the new mall to hang out and get some food with the kids, 4 of them that are lacking sleep, while everybody else was getting ready for the afternoon session. Macey decided that she had enough of anything and everything. I decided I had enough of Macey. It was great fun. The afternoon session was done, but because Jar still had Priesthood, we were kinda stuck still. Looking back, I really should have taken the kids back to the hotel, but I didn't want to deal with finding parking again. Plus, I didn't want to be driving around by myself in the big city. Once the session was done, the rest of the family left to go back to the hotel and meet with some other family. They eventually came back and we waited for Jar to get out and we got some really good food. It was late when we got back to the hotel again. Sunday, we slept in and took our time getting ready and packed up. We got out around noon and head over for the afternoon session. We hung out until 3:30 and left before it ended so we could get on the road without having to fight the traffic. The rest of my family stayed another day, but Jar had to fly out of Calgary Monday evening, so we had to get back. We/Jar drove all night and we got home and crashed. Mackinley didn't get to school until later that day. I think we are still recovering from our trip! It was fun though and I am glad we went. I want my children to be able to feel how amazing it is down there. I think it might take awhile before I mentally recover and consider doing something like that again, but it's done and we made some memories!

One of the reasons we went is because my brother Dawson got back from his mission almost  2 weeks ago now. He served in Seoul, Korea for 2 years. We wanted to be able to spend some time with him. We are heading back up to hear his homecoming talk in church this weekend and then we will be able to stay put for a bit. I think anyways. I hope!

Anyways, I think that is enough for now!

Late nights

It's late. I know I won't be sleeping anytime soon either. Not because of babies. I just can't. I think I have a touch of insomnia. For reals. I remember as a kid not being able to fall asleep. I would lay on my stomach and kick my legs. I would start real fast and then slow down. Maybe it helped? I don't know. But it is what I did. I also remember as a kid watching the movie "The Return to Oz". In the movie, Dorothy has trouble sleeping and they send her to a place to help her with it. They hook her up to a machine and they start doing tests. I used to think that if only I could have that test done, I would be able to fall asleep like a normal person. Little did I know the test wasn't real. And so here I sit.

I think I am going to just type. Anything. Until I feel like going to bed. It will be rambled. It won't make sense, but I like typing. It is almost therapeutic. I have always liked to type. I am a fast typist. FYI I put in typer, but the read squiggly line showed up letting me know it wasn't a real word. Thank you spell check for making me sound smart. Typist sounds smart, does it not? I think playing the piano helped me out a lot in the typing department. Or maybe my typing helped out my piano playing? Either way, I like them both. I miss playing the piano.

We have lived here for 5 years and not once have I played the piano in church. I am not complaining, it's just weird. Growing up I always was playing for something. And now, never. I guess I did play for the school's Christmas concert last year. I volunteered again this year, but they rejected me. Not because they didn't want me to, I am sure it was because I had 3 month old twins at the time. I still would have gladly have done it! I also was at church and they had no one to play in RS, so they had the tape player playing music. I was sitting there astonished that they wouldn't ask me to play. It's two songs! Again, not because they didn't want me to, but I had twins. Thanks for your consideration, but I can do it! I never said anything. It wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't offended or anything, I just find it funny that people won't use a perfectly capable person when they are needed. If this sounds ranty, it isn't supposed to. I am rambling, remember?

So today was windy. Surprise!!!! It was windy in Lundbreck? You don't say......When someone from Lundbreck says it's windy out.......hold down your hat and hold your car doors! You are in for a treat! Trucks were pulled over on the road. I saw an SUV almost take on a semi truck on the bridge going home from Pincher. They wind just kept pushing them over! If you can't drive in the wind, stay home! It was a rough drive, not only on my hands, but my gas tank as well. I was second guessing my decision to move for a bit, but today reminded me why I want to get the heck out of here! I am so glad that I am not stuck here! Well, I guess I am stuck here if our house never sells. It isn't even close to being ready to put on the market yet either. One day. Hopefully this year!

A baby has started to cry. I should go feed him. My rambling ended a lot shorter than I thought it was going to be. But, snuggling sleepy babies is way better than this!

Life's little quirks

I had the weirdest night tonight. In a good way though. I happened to come across a page on facebook a month or two ago about a little baby boy that is very sick. He is a twin and was born only 3 weeks after mine were born. I felt an instant connection! Him and his brother were born early. He was also diagnosed with Down's Syndrome and 2 holes in his heart. He is seriously one of the most cutest babies I have seen! He has been in the hospital most of his life and is struggling to live. I can only imagine the stress and anguish his parents are going through right now.

When I was pregnant, I was stressed to the max about them coming early. Even if they were born at 32 weeks like they tried to, I knew the chances of them being alright in the end were very high. It was just the inconvenience of being away from home and how to handle the girls and how I was going to deal with little babies that couldn't nurse, that stressed me out. I consider myself to be extremely blessed that none of that happened. I had 2 boys that got to come home with me. Happy, healthy, strong. They have been the best of babies on top of it all. Of course it's been tiring and I've had my stressful days, but there's 2 of them! And 2 more girls on top of that! It's going to get a bit harried! But I am glad. I am grateful.

Anyways, I felt very strongly about contacting the mother. I have had it in the back of my mind for awhile now, but she had posted something that really hit me tonight. I asked my brother if I could volunteer him to give him a blessing. I knew he would be okay with it, but I figured it would be polite to ask. I then sent her a message through facebook. I was terrified! I am awkward in a lot of things and talking religion, especially to a stranger, is one of them. I would be a horrible missionary. Can you say 'panic attack'? I have learned though, to never ignore that feeling I was having. No matter what. I have had that feeling get so intense from ignoring it for too long that I get physically sick and as soon as I listen, instant relief. So, I listened. Promptly. I sent her a message with the offer. I let her know there would be no strings attached, no attempted conversion, just straight up prayers from someone I believed to hold the Priesthood, the Power of God. I told her it was the only way I knew best how to help her. I had fleeting moments of doubt after I pushed the send button. Did I really just do that? What an idiot you are! What kind of person does that? She has enough to worry about. What if she tells you to mind your own business? I don't do well with rejection.

She messaged me back letting me know that he had already had a blessing a couple of months back and she had one as well. Then, she thanked me for the offer. I then let her know that if she ever did want another, it was only a message away. She then sent me another message telling me of the person that had given them their blessings. It happened to be a guy I went to elementary school with. As soon as I saw his name, I started to cry. It was almost like an affirmation that I did the right thing. So, of course I had to send him a message and tell him about my cool story! What a small world!

I really don't know why I had a strong impression to send her a message. I guess sometimes we don't find out what would happen if we do or don't listen. I think I'd rather listen though! No regrets! Plus, that intense feeling goes away instantly. I love life's little quirks. Something so little can have such a huge impact. Maybe I needed it more than her. One small step into the "Every member a missionary" movement.

Anyways, if you would like to know more about this amazing mom and dad and their beautiful babies, go visit this page Lucky Lekisch. I dare you to not fall in love with him!

For Cassie!! :)

 You wanted pictures, you got some pictures!

 The boys GQ-ing the mothers' room. Cooper on the left and Walker on the right.

 Macey with Walker on the left and Cooper on the right.

 Big smiles from my big boys!

Super Cooper and Walkman.

Mackinley reading Walker a book.