So fun to be pregnant! Right?

I have many mixed emotions about being pregnant. A lot probably has to do with the fact the I am almost 35 weeks pregnant as I am writing this and I tend to have mixed emotions on everything.

I am pregnant with my 5th child. I got pregnant 16 months after having twins. The last 2 1/2 years have been a hormonal roller coaster.

I am constantly baffled how I got into this position again! I know "how" it happens, but I don't know why I can't remember all of the horrible awful side effects of pregnancy and get so excited to do it all over again.
I think it is some form of mental block that just naturally happens. I have read articles that say that a woman's brain shrinks when she is pregnant. That probably explains a lot.

I find that each pregnancy has had different trials for different reasons.

 My first pregnancy, I was in a car accident and I sprained my SI joint about 3 months into the pregnancy. So, I had horrible hip pain and sciatic pain that wouldn't go away. I also had an injury when I was 12. I broke my femur and wrecked the growth plate above my knee. My leg stopped growing there and I had to have a surgery a year later to stop the growth in the other leg. I had a length difference that really gave me hip, back, and neck problems. It got worse the older I got and I actually had a lengthening surgery after my second was born. It literally was life changing! I wish I would have been able to have that surgery before I was ever pregnant, because the pain would have been way more tolerable.

That hip and back pain was exclusive to the first two pregnancies. Well, due to the accident and leg length discrepancy anyways. Everything else that is awful spanned across all 4 pregnancies. Let me enlighten you.

Crazy cravings!!!! When I say crazy, I am not talking about pickles and ice cream, or other weird combos of food. I am talking about dirt, gasoline, the brand Fantastic cleaning spray. You know, stuff like that. I literally have sucked on little gravel rocks and licked my shower wall because the grout smelt soooo good! I used to tote around a little bottle with gas in it and sniff it every once in awhile. Not enough to do damage obviously, but just a whiff to ease the craving. The cravings are so intense that my throat swells up and the saliva starts flowing. It is an actual physical reaction. I can feel happening right now as I am typing just thinking about dirt. Last week we were driving on a dirt road and the smell got into the van and I almost went crazy with the constant smell! It took everything in me to not demand hubby to pull over and let me find some good dirt to eat. SO. GROSS.

Lightning crotch. Yup, it feels as good as it sounds. I have had it every pregnancy, but this one has been brutal! His little head just happens to wedged in the perfect place and he just hits a certain nerve that shoots pain right into the crotchal area. The pressure and the pain are so intense that I keep waiting for a gush of fluid to shoot out!

Hormones. Oh the fun of hormones! Before getting married and having kids, I didn't have much experience with the hormonal roller coaster. I have PCOS which causes my hormones to be level and not have the monthly fluctuations. Which is great when you don't want kids! No period, no mood swings, the perfect woman right there! But, when you want kids, it creates all sorts of problems. Luckily, I was able to get things worked out with my doctors and I have been blessed to get pregnant and stay pregnant 4 times! But, I wasn't expecting to be happy, sad, happysad, crazy all within minutes. For 9 months. Somedays are just fine. Others days....well, let's just leave it at that! Let's just say being huge pregnant in the hot hot summer with all 4 kids home doesn't work well for our family. I was really excited to drop the two oldest off at school that first day! Until I actually dropped them off and I cried. There's no winning I tell ya!

Snot, snot, and more snot. And not cute little baby snot. My own. Stuffy nose snot. If you blow too hard it turns into a bloody nose. Then you get that metal taste in your mouth that lasts FOR.EV.ER.

Lightheaded, dizzy, can't stand, sit, or walk too long. If you do, you are bound to start blacking out or limbs start to get tingly. Right now I need to get up and walk around because both of my hands are falling asleep. There, that's better. But as I got up to walk it lead me into my next lovely side effect of pregnancy......

Hip pain! Now, I know I just explained why I had bad hip problems with my first two pregnancies, but I have had completely different pain with the last two pregnancies. Due to the fact that I had twins. They stretched my hips out so far, that my pubic bone separated. It pops when I am laying down in bed. It grinds. It hurts. It has caused my legs to pop out of joint easier. After the twins, it took a long time for my body to heal and get back to a new normal. Just in time to get pregnant again! My body went straight back to where it had been so fast! I am pretty sure this has been the hardest pregnancy so far!

Leg cramps. Well, now it has turned into almost full body cramps. I have had nights where my legs cramp so hard and so long that my muscles are sore for days after. One night I was up for hours flexing my feet because if I didn't they would instantly cramp up. This momma needs her sleep! This is the only pregnancy that I have had it more than just my calves. My hips like to cramp and groin and all of those other lovely muscles in the legs. My hands have started to cramp, and well, let's start the next topic! My stomach likes to cramp as well as my back......Braxton Hicks!

False labor, practice labor. Whatever, it hurts. The other day we were trying to get things organized in the house trying to get ready for baby. I worked hard. A little too hard. I started having contractions. That is normal when you stand up or move around, but these weren't going away. And then my back started to ache. And ache. I had to go sit down for two hours for it all to go away. And it just keeps happening. I sit/lay a lot. My kitchen floor has never been so grimy because of it! And twins. Twins don't help the matter.

Hmmmm......what have I missed? I am sure there is more, but my brain is foggy. Did I cover the whole pregnancy brain thing yet? Pretty sure I did......

Oh I forgot discharge! I hate that word. Discharge. Bleh! That is all on that topic.

I am not even going to think about recovery. It takes so long! I had a horrible recovery due to an infected uterus. It makes me a little anxious knowing I am having another c-section. It seems like anything that can go wrong, will!

Now, I think I am done with the lovely side effects of being pregnant. Even though they are as horrible as they sound, woman all around the world keep getting pregnant! Why? Because it is the single most important, miraculous thing that my body can do. My body does it well. I know woman who would trade me places in a heart beat. I gladly go through all of the horribleness because I love my children and I was told I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. So, I will use my ability and be grateful for it!

Plus, how cool is it to feel the baby move around in you? Even when it feels like it is trying to rip you open from the inside to get out? It is something that can't be recreated. It is something that I miss instantly after having that beautiful baby put in my arms.

This pregnancy is quickly winding down to the end and even though I am excited to meet him and not be pregnant, this is my last pregnancy and I am trying to revel in every painful, awkward, amazing moment of it!

Oh, I forgot to mention peeing your pants. I personally have never had it happened, but I have heard horror stories of it. I was holding both twins on the couch the other day and one was sitting on my legs and leaning back on my stomach, prego bellies apparently make good pillows, and I sneezed. I felt a gush coming, I clenched down hard and somehow managed to avoid that awfulness. For now. 3 weeks left. Never say never.

School has ended and summer has begun! I have an 8 year old (hello, when did she grow up so fast?) an almost 6 year old and in a few short months, the twins will be two. Seriously, where does the time go? At least I will get to go through at least one more baby in 13-14 weeks. Seems so far away, but I am sure this next baby will come and grow up so fast, just like the rest of them.

Hubby was wondering why I haven't been posting lately. It is because I like to blog about things when I am happy and in a good mood. Now that my belly has popped, I have been feeling a wee bit annoyed when I am out and about in public. I am happy and blessed, but I feel it really hard to be excited about this next baby when I am out in public. Don't get me wrong, I am crazy excited for this baby! I can't believe everything worked out so smoothly and so easy for a change! I think it just has a lot to do with stupid people. I have been dealing with them for the last two years with the twins. All of the comments about having my hands full, or how I must be done having children, or how the boys are worse than puppies. Yes, someone actually told me that. I am tired of hearing about "double trouble" and how you don't know how I do it. It truly gets old and annoying. At least I am not nursing the twins anymore and don't have to listen to those comments still! Now I finally look pregnant and I get stares and whispers all of the time. Someone told Jar the other day while he was pushing the boys in the stroller that he needed to stop having kids after having two. She did not realize that the girls and my pregnant self were walking behind him. He told her that baby number 5 was on it's way. She sure did back track fast! I can actually watch people mentally count my kids and then look at my belly and see the shock in their face when the get to the number 5. Why is 5 such a hard number for people to get a grasp on? I know plenty of people with more than 5 kids! How do you go out in public and stay sane? My kids are not what drive me nuts in public.....it's the public! Granted, most of the time I am out in public by myself with the 4 kids. It definitely is nice when Jar is around to make it look a little bit more evened out on the parent side.

Just thinking about going out in public with the new baby gives me anxiety. Not because of the kids or the baby, but because of all the strangers that are going to have something negative to say about my life decisions.The next person that asks me if I know how making babies happens, I am going to play dumb and ask them if they know the secret, because I just can't seem to figure it out. You ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers. I did run into a lady in Willliams-Sonoma last week that congratulated me and sounded genuinely excited for me. She told me how awesome she thought it was that we were having 5 and that she was trying to convince her husband to have their 5th. It was refreshing and I wanted to start crying. I didn't, but I sure did want to. Why don't people say nice things to people anymore? Even if someone else's life isn't what you would do yourself personally, doesn't make it wrong for someone else. Why aren't we trying to help each other with our words?

Nobody is the same. Nobody can handle the same situations to the same extent. I happen to be in a very good place right now. I love having 4 kids. I love having twins. I love that I am having another baby shortly. I love that the twins will be just 2 when this baby is born. I love having the two older girls. They are great helpers and they teach me things everyday. I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom. I love that I am independent enough to not have to have people helping me with my kids. No one can say that I am in over my head. I am grateful that I have been blessed with circumstances that I do not need to worry about how to take care of my kids ie. having a sick child, or injuries. I love that I have a husband that is willing to let me do what I have always wanted to do.....be a mom! To at least 5 kids! :)

This is my life that I have chosen. Yes, there are crazy days. Yes, sometimes I wonder what I was thinking. Yes, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

It is challenging to be a mom. Whether you are a mom of 1 or a mom of 15, there are always challenges. If you can't say something nice and uplifting and encouraging to moms (anyone really), keep your mouth shut!

And there is my hormonal ranty blog. Funny how that made me feel just a wee bit better!

Completely addicted

Alright, I just need to talk about my Young Living oils for a minute. I am so in love with them. I do not know how we made it without them! Seriously, they are the best.

Our family has passed around a nasty cough over the last few weeks. The only who got a fever from it was Cooper. Other than that, it is just the yucky tight chest cold that breaks up. The kind where you are coughing up nonstop phlegm. So gross! Jar was the first to come down with it bad. He came from work with it and I made him rub certain oils on his chest and throat and we also diffused them in our bedroom at night. I also have some homemade tinctures that I got him to take. Looking back, he wasn't taking big enough doses of the tinctures, but now I will know for next time! The cough tincture definitely doesn't taste all that great. It has an herbal taste to it and it has some cayenne in it, so it burns a bit. It does have a sweet taste to it as well because the base is glycerin, but I have tasted better. He was asking if we had some Buckley's around. I told him it's in the cupboard, but I have my homemade stuff that he should try. He told me that my stuff didn't taste very good. I replied that Buckley's is known for it's horrible taste, so his argument wasn't valid. Haha. The twins don't like the cough syrup either. I can't say I blame them. They love they other kinds though. As long as they work, that is all I care about!

Anyways, Jar made it through his cold/cough without any meds. As long as he kept putting on the oils, he was good. So, Walker got sick shortly after. I used the same oils, but I diluted them with a carrier oil. My preferred oil is coconut oil. I LOVE coconut oil. It is all I use. I do have some olive oil and avocado oil for special dishes, but I do not use vegetable or canola oil. Anyways, Walker did really well and you could tell that it helped so fast. All of my kids love getting oils put on, but the boys do especially. Coop just started to show signs of coughing yesterday. He was feverish though, which no one else had. He was so tired and cuddly. Poor little guy! I hate seeing my babies sick! The oils really helped him. I put some peppermint oil to help with the fever. He did get a dose of Tylenol in the morning to break it, but I am trying to avoid that as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-medicine. I would like to stay away from them though, especially antibiotics, as much as possible.

Other things that I have used my oils for are: upset stomach, sore muscles, sore joints, tiredness, inability to sleep.....I am sure there are more. I also bought us girls some aromatherapy necklaces. They are shaped so you can put the oils in, put it won't spill out. I bought it particularly for Macey to see if it would help with her fidgeting and help calm her anxieties. I am studying more about oils that will help with that, but for now it seems to be working. They both love their necklaces. I have peppermint in my necklaces right now. It came in handy last week when we were driving a straight shot through the middle of the night to Salt Lake City. It takes 13-14 hours. I tried to sleep so I could drive. I drove for a bit and I just kept my necklace up by my nose and it sure did help a lot. It is one of my very favorite oils!

Other things in our house are still getting replaced with non-chemical versions ie. shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash, cleaners, soap, hand soap. I bought a bunch of stuff down in the states and I meant to get deodorant, and I totally forgot to get it! I am still kicking myself. Oh well. Next time.

I love finding new ways to use the oils. There is an oil for every ailment! Now if there was only an oil to get me to stop eating chocolate!

So, this is what has been on my mind the last few months. It has been an expensive path, but only because when I get interested in something, I am all in. I want it all and I want it now! I am only like that with certain things, but this has definitely been one of them. I am very set up with my oils and it makes me so happy! I love putting new bottles in with the rest of them. Some will be used way more than others, but as I learn more, I am sure I will get around to them all.

Our whole family loves the oils. Jar loves anything to do with Thieves. I totally love it too. I also use peppermint and wintergreen a lot for my hip. It is still really sore from surgery a few months ago. This weather hasn't really helped either. The girls love Peace & Calming, Valor, and Joy. The boys just love getting their oils put on. Normally I put it on their feet, so they will sit down and get their socks off. They know the routine! It is something that I plan on sticking with. If you ever want information on the oils or if you have something that is bugging and want to know what oils could help, just ask! I love talking about them!

Hippie ways

I really should be going to bed, but my mind just won't stop thinking about the new, cool things I have gotten myself into :)

I got back this evening from the states. I took all 4 kids by myself and stayed the night in Kalispell. I had a bunch of packages to pick up and a bit of shopping to do, so we went down, picked up my stuff and spent today shopping. I gotta say, I was a wee bit nervous to sleep at the hotel with the twins. We did it 3 weeks ago, and it was not a very fun night. The boys were up too late and they were up too early. Jar was around though, so he took the early risers for breakfast while I tried to get some more sleep. This time, it was me. They still went to bed late, but there were no tears. There was a bunch of laughter between the boys and happy shrieks, but no crying! It was really cute. They didn't even wake up too early! They definitely needed more sleep, but they slept until 8. Too bad the bed firmness and pillow softness and amount wasn't satisfactory with my sleep plans. Today would have been much better if the mom was well rested! It wasn't all that bad, but I had to work really hard to keep it together. I hate being out in public and giving them a reason to say I have bit off more than I can chew, or that I have too much to handle with my 4 kids. Not that it is anyone's business, but people seem to think it is. For example....today for lunch we went to Bajio's. We were in line and the lady in front of us turned and looked at us as we came around the corner and said "Oh my goodness! You need to have more babies!" Now, this might not sound too bad. But, her tone was extremely sarcastic and mean. It wasn't an "Oh, you have beautiful, well-behaved children! Please populate the world with more of them" type of tone. I was not too impressed and I normally smile at the stupid comments or questions that comes with twins, but this time I just looked at her and said "I actually would love to have more babies." She smiled and looked away. Now, if my kids were running around, screaming, looking haggard, then maybe I could agree with her, or not be so annoyed. Maybe. But, all 4 of them were quiet. No running. Clean clothes. Hair done. I realize all of this doesn't mean amazing children (mine are) but I feel that it should not be so intimidating to people to make them say stupid things. Anyways, can you tell this worked me up a little? A very nice lady came up to us while were eating and stopped and told me what a beautiful family I had. How nice. That is what you say to people with what you think is a lot of kids.

Anyways, where was I?

Packages that I picked up! So, I have become very interested in the whole preventative health field lately. I have always been interested, but have never really done much about it or knew much about it. I have started using essential oils through Young Living in the past couple of weeks and holy smokes! I do not know why I didn't start using them a long time ago! I am also getting into herbal remedies like homemade tinctures and salves. I am hoping that between the oils and the herbs I can be prepared to handle most of our sickness without medicine!

Along the same lines, I bought all of the stuff to make my own laundry detergent! I am not a frugal type. I love a good deal, but there are somethings that I will pay full price for. Tide laundry detergent is one of them. I am really trying to cut out excess chemicals though, so I thought I would give the homemade stuff a whirl and see if I like it. I added some of those Downy scent booster things, but other than that, everything is natural. I was hesitant to make it with Borax because it is an irritant, but I figured I would try it first and if we don't like it, find somebody who does and try out a new recipe! And get this, it should last me close to a year and it only cost me around $25 to make. What? Why didn't I know about this stuff sooner? Next on my list is to make my own shampoo and conditioner. I have tried the whole "no-poo" craze, but I didn't like it all that much. I am still trying to find a recipe that I really like. I am close to finding it. I will be tweaking a few different recipes I think.

Another thing that I am excited about is Bentonite Clay! I have always wanted to do a heavy metal detox and this stuff does that! I just had my first Bentonite Clay bath tonight. We shall see in a few days how I feel. The last month has been very cleansing. I started with a parasite cleanse. Oh.My.Lanta. I never actually saw a parasite, but wow! Ummmm, let's just say, it cleaned me out! It was awesome! I felt awful the first two days and then I felt really good. I started taking essentials oils that were supposed to help alkalize my body and cleanse. I started to get really itchy all over, but especially my palms. It finally went away, but it just showed me how unhealthy my body really was. I am sleeping more sound and I have more energy and I have much more patience. Probably because I am sleeping better :) Is it bad that I pushed the questing mark key to make my smiley emoticon because that is where it is on my ipad? Hahaha.

So, that is my new interest lately. Anybody that knows me well, knows that when I get into stuff like this, it is all or nothing. I can't just buy a little here or there. I even signed Jar up as a distributor underneath me for the oils because I wanted another diffuser ASAP and they are sold out until April unless you buy one of their beginner kits and it comes with it. I was desperate ok? I still need 3 more! Anybody wanna sign up and give me their diffusers? At least Jar is good and doesn't harass me too much. Especially this stuff. I have used the food storage approach to convince him it is a good investment. Which it is, but I find it is just another creative type of outlet for me. Something new. I like it.