Life's little quirks

I had the weirdest night tonight. In a good way though. I happened to come across a page on facebook a month or two ago about a little baby boy that is very sick. He is a twin and was born only 3 weeks after mine were born. I felt an instant connection! Him and his brother were born early. He was also diagnosed with Down's Syndrome and 2 holes in his heart. He is seriously one of the most cutest babies I have seen! He has been in the hospital most of his life and is struggling to live. I can only imagine the stress and anguish his parents are going through right now.

When I was pregnant, I was stressed to the max about them coming early. Even if they were born at 32 weeks like they tried to, I knew the chances of them being alright in the end were very high. It was just the inconvenience of being away from home and how to handle the girls and how I was going to deal with little babies that couldn't nurse, that stressed me out. I consider myself to be extremely blessed that none of that happened. I had 2 boys that got to come home with me. Happy, healthy, strong. They have been the best of babies on top of it all. Of course it's been tiring and I've had my stressful days, but there's 2 of them! And 2 more girls on top of that! It's going to get a bit harried! But I am glad. I am grateful.

Anyways, I felt very strongly about contacting the mother. I have had it in the back of my mind for awhile now, but she had posted something that really hit me tonight. I asked my brother if I could volunteer him to give him a blessing. I knew he would be okay with it, but I figured it would be polite to ask. I then sent her a message through facebook. I was terrified! I am awkward in a lot of things and talking religion, especially to a stranger, is one of them. I would be a horrible missionary. Can you say 'panic attack'? I have learned though, to never ignore that feeling I was having. No matter what. I have had that feeling get so intense from ignoring it for too long that I get physically sick and as soon as I listen, instant relief. So, I listened. Promptly. I sent her a message with the offer. I let her know there would be no strings attached, no attempted conversion, just straight up prayers from someone I believed to hold the Priesthood, the Power of God. I told her it was the only way I knew best how to help her. I had fleeting moments of doubt after I pushed the send button. Did I really just do that? What an idiot you are! What kind of person does that? She has enough to worry about. What if she tells you to mind your own business? I don't do well with rejection.

She messaged me back letting me know that he had already had a blessing a couple of months back and she had one as well. Then, she thanked me for the offer. I then let her know that if she ever did want another, it was only a message away. She then sent me another message telling me of the person that had given them their blessings. It happened to be a guy I went to elementary school with. As soon as I saw his name, I started to cry. It was almost like an affirmation that I did the right thing. So, of course I had to send him a message and tell him about my cool story! What a small world!

I really don't know why I had a strong impression to send her a message. I guess sometimes we don't find out what would happen if we do or don't listen. I think I'd rather listen though! No regrets! Plus, that intense feeling goes away instantly. I love life's little quirks. Something so little can have such a huge impact. Maybe I needed it more than her. One small step into the "Every member a missionary" movement.

Anyways, if you would like to know more about this amazing mom and dad and their beautiful babies, go visit this page Lucky Lekisch. I dare you to not fall in love with him!

For Cassie!! :)

 You wanted pictures, you got some pictures!

 The boys GQ-ing the mothers' room. Cooper on the left and Walker on the right.

 Macey with Walker on the left and Cooper on the right.

 Big smiles from my big boys!

Super Cooper and Walkman.

Mackinley reading Walker a book.

Feelin' the love!

This past week was a really good one for me. Not just things went smoothly or the kids were good, but I felt like I was loved as a person. An individual! It was just some little things, but the little things really are the big things! I will share....

First of all, hubby went in to Lethbridge for some Primerica work. He came home with colored daisies, a box of Lacey's cookies NOMNOMNOM, and a mini iPad with a pink otterbox cover. Talk about spoiled! I knew eventually I would get an iPad because he was tired of hearing me complain about the tablet I had. It was very finicky and wouldn't work properly, so he got me my iPad. What a nice guy. The flowers and cookies though, those were the icing on the cake! They were extra. They were the "I'm thinking about you and I love you and I want you to be happy" type of gift. It has been a long while since I have gotten flowers. It was great!

On Friday, I drove up to Calgary to FINALLY go shopping for some clothes that fit! Now, if you have ever gone shopping with kids, you know how "fun" it can be :) My mom had  $70 worth of coupons and she graciously gave me one of her $30 ones. My mom and dad and sister and a good family friend all came down to meet me in Calgary to give me the coupon and to help me out with my kids. I got to look around at clothes and TRY THEM ALL ON sans kids. They just walked around the store with the stroller. It was so nice! It's funny how a mom can hear her baby/babies cry all the way across a big noisy store. It was really cute to watch my dad hold one of the boys and try to keep them happy. He says he prefers toddlers over babies, but I know he secretly loved it! We went to one other store and ate and that was it! 5 hrs of time spent with people that were there to help me out. Well, my mom and sister scored some sweet clothes while they were at it as well!

So, I feel a bit more back to normal now that I have some clothes. It was so nice to wake up this morning and not have to worry about what to wear. I think this week we might head down to Kalispell for a bit more shopping and then I should be good.

I was talking to a friend at church today and she said that twins take awhile before they know that they can distinguish themselves as a separate person from the other, just like a baby takes awhile to distinguish themselves from their mother. Well, I feel the same way. I don't really feel like an individual right now. I am a mom of 4 little kids that need me for everything. I have 4 month old twins that I am carrying around and holding. I really love it, but those little moments, when people acknowledge you for you and YOUR wants and needs, are refreshing and rejuvenating to my heart and soul!

So a big THANK YOU to my hubby and my family and friends who help my life be that much sweeter! And of course to my kids as well, for seriously being awesome kids. The girls are sooo helpful and the boys are 4 1/2 months old and they both go to bed around 9:30 and they DO NOT cry when I put them down. Awake. I lay them in their crib awake and they go to sleep without crying. Both of them. Is this amazing to anyone else? Every night I put them down I think to myself "They are going to cry". Nope. They don't. Amazeballs.

Anyways, I am blessed. I am happy.

4 months!

Today I have been a mom to 4 kids for 4 months! Time sure does fly by! Things are still pretty slow around here. I don't do too much during the day, especially when Jar is at work. I think in 2 more months we will be able to do things a bit more. The boys will be able to sit up and chew on snacks and hold onto toys by then, so it should make it a bit easier to go out and about for more than an hour at a time.

I don't remember the last time I blogged.....I don't remember much lately though, so I might repeat some stuff. Oh well.

The last couple of months have flown by. Jar had surgery last month. He got to stay home for Christmas. He was supposed to work it, but he was home recovering instead. It was nice. We were gone for a week spending time with both of our families. It was fun, but by the end I was done. I think I am still recovering from it! Seriously though, it has taken a long time to get back into things.

Mackinley is an amazing little helper. I can count on her to help with the boys, the house, groceries, you name it. She is great! I was sad to see her go back to school after the holidays, but it was nice to get back into a routine.

Macey had some setbacks the last little while. I figure it had a lot to do with Jar being home for 5 weeks and then having Mackie home for 2 during the holidays. Her tantrums were becoming more and more frequent. My patience grew thinner and thinner. Once things got back to normal, and there was no one else but mom around, she slowly started to go back to being a bit more happier. We've made huge progress actually this last week, so we'll see how it lasts when dad gets home tomorrow.

The boys are growing so much! I really want to get them weighed. They get their 4 month shots in a couple of weeks, but I would love to know now! They are so happy. They are starting to be a bit more fun. They smile and laugh and they are starting to grab at things a bit now. They both love to suck on their fingers/thumb. They won't take a nummers (soother), which is really frustrating for me! They both like to have it in their mouth to play with, but not suck on. I've been trying for 4 months and have tried 5 different kinds too! Oh well. I guess I won't have to wean them off of them in the end and I won't have photos or videos with nummers in the way. They are both pretty close to rolling from their backs to their tummies as well. Slow down babies!

As for myself, well, I am just being a mom. I am still on the couch a lot with the boys. Two more months, two more months, two more months. Hopefully not even that much! As much as I don't want them to get older, I am really looking forward to them sitting up on their own and playing. My life will be so much easier. Maybe not easier, but getting things done around the house will be easier. I might actually start losing weight once I am able to do a bit more out and about! Wouldn't that be nice. I am not trying to get anybody to tell me that I look good or anything. I really am okay with how I am. I realize I just made 2 babies at once. I know the weight will come off eventually, but come on! They are 4 months old and I am exclusively nursing them and nothing? I actually put on some weight after they have been born. I dropped a lot the first 2 weeks and then it slowly started creeping up and it has stopped. My problem is that nursing two babies has made me extremely hungry and thirsty all of the time. I am NEVER full. Ever. It's insane. So that obviously doesn't help. Especially since I don't have the best eating habits right now. I want to eat healthy, but I need quick and convenient and most of the time healthy food isn't. I wonder sometimes if nursing twins is actually making my body retain the fat so I stay healthy enough to be able to do it. I know some girls that don't lose weight until they stop nursing. I was never like that though with the girls, but who knows. I also don't get to exercise that often. I have tried and it felt good, but it takes a lot of time to do it the way I want to and it is hard to do it with two babies. For some reason, that extra baby makes things just a wee bit more difficult. Like I said, I am okay - just okay - with how I look. My main problem is not having clothes that fit. Most of my clothes I can wear, but they are tight and show all of my lines. You know, the lines under the bra, the lines above the pants, or the more familiar term muffin top. I hate lines! I really need to buy clothes that fit. I would be super happy if I had a new wardrobe to fit the new me. If I am going to buy a whole new wardrobe though, I need to go to the states to do it. I'm hoping we get to go in 2 weeks. We better. I'd rather be the new me and have these 2 awesome boys, then be my old self and no babies. I can' remember what life was like without them. They make our family complete. For now anyways. :)

So that's the last little bit of our lives. We are happy. Things are good. Sometimes too good. When I stop and think at how awesome life has been the last little while, I get afraid of what must be coming our way. It never stays that way for long. Oh well, I am enjoying it while it lasts! We may not have the nicest house or the nicest things. We may not get to travel all over. We might not have a lot of different things, but we have each other. We have a family of 6! I have a husband who loves me. We get the bills paid. We want for nothing. I have freaking cute kids. We have awesome families....a great support system! Jar has a great job that allows me to be a stay at home mom. It's what I always wanted to be. I am living my dream!

I love to laugh!

Today has been a good day. I have laughed so much. I don't know why, but it has felt really good. This last week was our hardest just because I have been so sick and Jar was gone, but I am feeling better every day and things are easier when there is another adult in our house. I love to laugh! I love laughter in general. I love the sound of my kids laughter I think the best. Especially when they are laughing together.

The other day, both girls were on the couch and they both were holding one of the boys. Macey was holding Walker and I can't remember what he did, maybe pull her hair or something, but she started to laugh the hardest I have ever seen her laugh. Then Mackie joined in. Mackie has the most contagious laugh. She is a giggler and I love the sound of it. It always makes me smile. Hearing Macey laugh like that always takes me by surprise. As a baby, you could not get her to laugh. She would smile, but she would not laugh. It definitely took a lot of effort. Now she will laugh much easier, but to hear her laugh uncontrollably is the best. You know, the laugh that starts so hard it's silent...it's the best. Seeing my two girls hysterically laughing while holding their two new born brothers was priceless. It is one of those memories that will be a favorite forever.

I love to listen to other people laugh. I love those deep hearty laughs. I like ones that stand out. You know those people that the loud laugh when you go to a funny movie in the theater? I love those. I married one of those.

I love looking back at the moments that caused all of the laughter. Like this morning. I laughed so hard. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard. I had to contain myself though because my throat is still a bit raw and I didn't want to make it worse. But I still enjoyed it! Even now, just thinking about the word "blade" makes me laugh. Seriously, I am sitting here laughing like a big old dork. I wish Jar wouldn't have erased my picture though. Oh man, I am laughing even harder now.

So yeah. I love to laugh! Today was a great reminder of how much I love it. It was a good reminder to make sure I laugh more often. The last 6 weeks have been awesome. Newborn babies bring joy into our lives and that is what I have been feeling, but I haven't been laughing. I know you don't have to laugh to be happy, but laughing sure does feel good! I need to do it more, especially with my family! It totally brings people together in a memorable way!

I'm so glad when daddy comes home.....

For those if you who don't know, hubby works away from home. He works up north. He flies there and is gone for a week and then he is home for a week. It's a great job and a great schedule for us. We are very grateful for his job and how it has helped us in so many ways. There are times though it is hard being the only parent for a week.
It's only been a year that he has been up there, so we are still adjusting to him being gone. Actually, I think we are still adjusting to him being home for a week more than anything :)
This has been one of those weeks where it would be nice to not be a single married mom....or is it married single mom? Anyways, there was a lot going on with Mackie's school and the boys are high maintenance and I course I got sick. A bit of the flu this weekend and now a sore throat and a bad cough is on it's way. I sound worse than I really am though. We didn't do school today again because i hadn't slept and the girls are still fighting their coughs and sound like they might be getting a bit worse instead of better. Even the boys are getting a bit stuffy.
I am very behind this week in the house cleaning and laundry. I have little time in between feedings to do anything, especially when I am in need of a nap! I don't mind having things a bit out of order, but we have company this weekend and I would live to have things clean and organized a bit better. That is why I am glad Jar is getting home tonight. Now I just need to figure out if I should get him to clean or take care of babies?

Apparently it's everyone's business

My milk supply that is. I was asked by 5 different people in less than 24 hrs this weekend about my milk supply. I was asked by every single person if I had enough. Ummmmm, no. I just like to half feed my babies. That is why they are so fussy all the time and not growing at all. I really wish there was a font for sarcasm. I think that might be my million dollar idea right there!

Anyways, I find it odd that people think it's perfectly normal to ask a question like that. I didn't really mind, I just thought it was weird. Some were complete strangers, others were acquaintances, and others were friends. If you are reading this and were one of the people that asked, don't feel bad. This isn't what this post is meant to do. I just find that having twins has brought on a plethora of questions that I either don't know how to answer or don't see why it's anyone's business. Seriously, you want to know if I have enough milk? Is it not obvious? Do people think I am a bad mom and am starving my kids because I don't supplement with formula? Yeah, that's right....I breastfeed exclusively. I'm bad-A like that. I know people aren't really thinking that, they are just curious. It's not bad, but nobody questioned my milk with either of my girls.

So, yes! I have enough milk! I could feed another baby with all the milk I have. The woman's body is an amazing thing and will supply the milk as long as there is a demand for it. I am burning over 1000 calories a day just from nursing 2 babies. I have to benefit in the weight loss department from it, but they are only 4 weeks old. I'm thinking by the time they are 6 months I should definitely see some rewards for nursing twins!

I know you want to know more. I get asked all the time if I need help when I'm nursing.....just to clarify, they are offering their help. Now, again, I do not have any one or two people in mind. You have no idea how many times in the last 4 weeks people have asked me this, so once again, if you think this is about you, it's not. Again, I know people are just concerned and just truly want to help, but I don't know how they plan on helping me nurse them. Unless they have milk of their own, but that's just nasty. I think they just want to hold one of them while I feed the other, but I nurse them at the same time. Yes, two at once. I have two arms and two boobs. It only makes sense. People will look at me like I am crazy or incompetent when I tell them I nurse them at the same time, but it works for me. People don't believe me when I say that I am doing good and that I don't need anything or any help doing something. Right now, I REALLY am good. These boys are awesome and they have been way easier than I could have imagined. I'm sure it won't last, but for now I am just enjoying their sweetness.

Things really couldn't be going better with them. The girls are great helpers and they love their little brothers. We are all just enjoying the simpleness of life and how things have slowed down a bit. I'm glad I don't have a busy schedule. It would not work with how I like to mother my kids. I love being the mom and being the one to do things for them and with them. Yes, I am a milk cow for now, but it is great and I wouldn't want it any other way. Things went perfectly for me in the nursing department and I am grateful for that!

PS - This wasn't meant to offend or to discourage people from asking questions. I don't mind telling people things. Not much is a secret. I just find it odd that people ask questions that I have never had before, just because there is two of them :)