So fun to be pregnant! Right?

I have many mixed emotions about being pregnant. A lot probably has to do with the fact the I am almost 35 weeks pregnant as I am writing this and I tend to have mixed emotions on everything.

I am pregnant with my 5th child. I got pregnant 16 months after having twins. The last 2 1/2 years have been a hormonal roller coaster.

I am constantly baffled how I got into this position again! I know "how" it happens, but I don't know why I can't remember all of the horrible awful side effects of pregnancy and get so excited to do it all over again.
I think it is some form of mental block that just naturally happens. I have read articles that say that a woman's brain shrinks when she is pregnant. That probably explains a lot.

I find that each pregnancy has had different trials for different reasons.

 My first pregnancy, I was in a car accident and I sprained my SI joint about 3 months into the pregnancy. So, I had horrible hip pain and sciatic pain that wouldn't go away. I also had an injury when I was 12. I broke my femur and wrecked the growth plate above my knee. My leg stopped growing there and I had to have a surgery a year later to stop the growth in the other leg. I had a length difference that really gave me hip, back, and neck problems. It got worse the older I got and I actually had a lengthening surgery after my second was born. It literally was life changing! I wish I would have been able to have that surgery before I was ever pregnant, because the pain would have been way more tolerable.

That hip and back pain was exclusive to the first two pregnancies. Well, due to the accident and leg length discrepancy anyways. Everything else that is awful spanned across all 4 pregnancies. Let me enlighten you.

Crazy cravings!!!! When I say crazy, I am not talking about pickles and ice cream, or other weird combos of food. I am talking about dirt, gasoline, the brand Fantastic cleaning spray. You know, stuff like that. I literally have sucked on little gravel rocks and licked my shower wall because the grout smelt soooo good! I used to tote around a little bottle with gas in it and sniff it every once in awhile. Not enough to do damage obviously, but just a whiff to ease the craving. The cravings are so intense that my throat swells up and the saliva starts flowing. It is an actual physical reaction. I can feel happening right now as I am typing just thinking about dirt. Last week we were driving on a dirt road and the smell got into the van and I almost went crazy with the constant smell! It took everything in me to not demand hubby to pull over and let me find some good dirt to eat. SO. GROSS.

Lightning crotch. Yup, it feels as good as it sounds. I have had it every pregnancy, but this one has been brutal! His little head just happens to wedged in the perfect place and he just hits a certain nerve that shoots pain right into the crotchal area. The pressure and the pain are so intense that I keep waiting for a gush of fluid to shoot out!

Hormones. Oh the fun of hormones! Before getting married and having kids, I didn't have much experience with the hormonal roller coaster. I have PCOS which causes my hormones to be level and not have the monthly fluctuations. Which is great when you don't want kids! No period, no mood swings, the perfect woman right there! But, when you want kids, it creates all sorts of problems. Luckily, I was able to get things worked out with my doctors and I have been blessed to get pregnant and stay pregnant 4 times! But, I wasn't expecting to be happy, sad, happysad, crazy all within minutes. For 9 months. Somedays are just fine. Others days....well, let's just leave it at that! Let's just say being huge pregnant in the hot hot summer with all 4 kids home doesn't work well for our family. I was really excited to drop the two oldest off at school that first day! Until I actually dropped them off and I cried. There's no winning I tell ya!

Snot, snot, and more snot. And not cute little baby snot. My own. Stuffy nose snot. If you blow too hard it turns into a bloody nose. Then you get that metal taste in your mouth that lasts FOR.EV.ER.

Lightheaded, dizzy, can't stand, sit, or walk too long. If you do, you are bound to start blacking out or limbs start to get tingly. Right now I need to get up and walk around because both of my hands are falling asleep. There, that's better. But as I got up to walk it lead me into my next lovely side effect of pregnancy......

Hip pain! Now, I know I just explained why I had bad hip problems with my first two pregnancies, but I have had completely different pain with the last two pregnancies. Due to the fact that I had twins. They stretched my hips out so far, that my pubic bone separated. It pops when I am laying down in bed. It grinds. It hurts. It has caused my legs to pop out of joint easier. After the twins, it took a long time for my body to heal and get back to a new normal. Just in time to get pregnant again! My body went straight back to where it had been so fast! I am pretty sure this has been the hardest pregnancy so far!

Leg cramps. Well, now it has turned into almost full body cramps. I have had nights where my legs cramp so hard and so long that my muscles are sore for days after. One night I was up for hours flexing my feet because if I didn't they would instantly cramp up. This momma needs her sleep! This is the only pregnancy that I have had it more than just my calves. My hips like to cramp and groin and all of those other lovely muscles in the legs. My hands have started to cramp, and well, let's start the next topic! My stomach likes to cramp as well as my back......Braxton Hicks!

False labor, practice labor. Whatever, it hurts. The other day we were trying to get things organized in the house trying to get ready for baby. I worked hard. A little too hard. I started having contractions. That is normal when you stand up or move around, but these weren't going away. And then my back started to ache. And ache. I had to go sit down for two hours for it all to go away. And it just keeps happening. I sit/lay a lot. My kitchen floor has never been so grimy because of it! And twins. Twins don't help the matter.

Hmmmm......what have I missed? I am sure there is more, but my brain is foggy. Did I cover the whole pregnancy brain thing yet? Pretty sure I did......

Oh I forgot discharge! I hate that word. Discharge. Bleh! That is all on that topic.

I am not even going to think about recovery. It takes so long! I had a horrible recovery due to an infected uterus. It makes me a little anxious knowing I am having another c-section. It seems like anything that can go wrong, will!

Now, I think I am done with the lovely side effects of being pregnant. Even though they are as horrible as they sound, woman all around the world keep getting pregnant! Why? Because it is the single most important, miraculous thing that my body can do. My body does it well. I know woman who would trade me places in a heart beat. I gladly go through all of the horribleness because I love my children and I was told I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. So, I will use my ability and be grateful for it!

Plus, how cool is it to feel the baby move around in you? Even when it feels like it is trying to rip you open from the inside to get out? It is something that can't be recreated. It is something that I miss instantly after having that beautiful baby put in my arms.

This pregnancy is quickly winding down to the end and even though I am excited to meet him and not be pregnant, this is my last pregnancy and I am trying to revel in every painful, awkward, amazing moment of it!

Oh, I forgot to mention peeing your pants. I personally have never had it happened, but I have heard horror stories of it. I was holding both twins on the couch the other day and one was sitting on my legs and leaning back on my stomach, prego bellies apparently make good pillows, and I sneezed. I felt a gush coming, I clenched down hard and somehow managed to avoid that awfulness. For now. 3 weeks left. Never say never.

School has ended and summer has begun! I have an 8 year old (hello, when did she grow up so fast?) an almost 6 year old and in a few short months, the twins will be two. Seriously, where does the time go? At least I will get to go through at least one more baby in 13-14 weeks. Seems so far away, but I am sure this next baby will come and grow up so fast, just like the rest of them.

Hubby was wondering why I haven't been posting lately. It is because I like to blog about things when I am happy and in a good mood. Now that my belly has popped, I have been feeling a wee bit annoyed when I am out and about in public. I am happy and blessed, but I feel it really hard to be excited about this next baby when I am out in public. Don't get me wrong, I am crazy excited for this baby! I can't believe everything worked out so smoothly and so easy for a change! I think it just has a lot to do with stupid people. I have been dealing with them for the last two years with the twins. All of the comments about having my hands full, or how I must be done having children, or how the boys are worse than puppies. Yes, someone actually told me that. I am tired of hearing about "double trouble" and how you don't know how I do it. It truly gets old and annoying. At least I am not nursing the twins anymore and don't have to listen to those comments still! Now I finally look pregnant and I get stares and whispers all of the time. Someone told Jar the other day while he was pushing the boys in the stroller that he needed to stop having kids after having two. She did not realize that the girls and my pregnant self were walking behind him. He told her that baby number 5 was on it's way. She sure did back track fast! I can actually watch people mentally count my kids and then look at my belly and see the shock in their face when the get to the number 5. Why is 5 such a hard number for people to get a grasp on? I know plenty of people with more than 5 kids! How do you go out in public and stay sane? My kids are not what drive me nuts in public.....it's the public! Granted, most of the time I am out in public by myself with the 4 kids. It definitely is nice when Jar is around to make it look a little bit more evened out on the parent side.

Just thinking about going out in public with the new baby gives me anxiety. Not because of the kids or the baby, but because of all the strangers that are going to have something negative to say about my life decisions.The next person that asks me if I know how making babies happens, I am going to play dumb and ask them if they know the secret, because I just can't seem to figure it out. You ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers. I did run into a lady in Willliams-Sonoma last week that congratulated me and sounded genuinely excited for me. She told me how awesome she thought it was that we were having 5 and that she was trying to convince her husband to have their 5th. It was refreshing and I wanted to start crying. I didn't, but I sure did want to. Why don't people say nice things to people anymore? Even if someone else's life isn't what you would do yourself personally, doesn't make it wrong for someone else. Why aren't we trying to help each other with our words?

Nobody is the same. Nobody can handle the same situations to the same extent. I happen to be in a very good place right now. I love having 4 kids. I love having twins. I love that I am having another baby shortly. I love that the twins will be just 2 when this baby is born. I love having the two older girls. They are great helpers and they teach me things everyday. I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom. I love that I am independent enough to not have to have people helping me with my kids. No one can say that I am in over my head. I am grateful that I have been blessed with circumstances that I do not need to worry about how to take care of my kids ie. having a sick child, or injuries. I love that I have a husband that is willing to let me do what I have always wanted to do.....be a mom! To at least 5 kids! :)

This is my life that I have chosen. Yes, there are crazy days. Yes, sometimes I wonder what I was thinking. Yes, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat!

It is challenging to be a mom. Whether you are a mom of 1 or a mom of 15, there are always challenges. If you can't say something nice and uplifting and encouraging to moms (anyone really), keep your mouth shut!

And there is my hormonal ranty blog. Funny how that made me feel just a wee bit better!

Completely addicted

Alright, I just need to talk about my Young Living oils for a minute. I am so in love with them. I do not know how we made it without them! Seriously, they are the best.

Our family has passed around a nasty cough over the last few weeks. The only who got a fever from it was Cooper. Other than that, it is just the yucky tight chest cold that breaks up. The kind where you are coughing up nonstop phlegm. So gross! Jar was the first to come down with it bad. He came from work with it and I made him rub certain oils on his chest and throat and we also diffused them in our bedroom at night. I also have some homemade tinctures that I got him to take. Looking back, he wasn't taking big enough doses of the tinctures, but now I will know for next time! The cough tincture definitely doesn't taste all that great. It has an herbal taste to it and it has some cayenne in it, so it burns a bit. It does have a sweet taste to it as well because the base is glycerin, but I have tasted better. He was asking if we had some Buckley's around. I told him it's in the cupboard, but I have my homemade stuff that he should try. He told me that my stuff didn't taste very good. I replied that Buckley's is known for it's horrible taste, so his argument wasn't valid. Haha. The twins don't like the cough syrup either. I can't say I blame them. They love they other kinds though. As long as they work, that is all I care about!

Anyways, Jar made it through his cold/cough without any meds. As long as he kept putting on the oils, he was good. So, Walker got sick shortly after. I used the same oils, but I diluted them with a carrier oil. My preferred oil is coconut oil. I LOVE coconut oil. It is all I use. I do have some olive oil and avocado oil for special dishes, but I do not use vegetable or canola oil. Anyways, Walker did really well and you could tell that it helped so fast. All of my kids love getting oils put on, but the boys do especially. Coop just started to show signs of coughing yesterday. He was feverish though, which no one else had. He was so tired and cuddly. Poor little guy! I hate seeing my babies sick! The oils really helped him. I put some peppermint oil to help with the fever. He did get a dose of Tylenol in the morning to break it, but I am trying to avoid that as well. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-medicine. I would like to stay away from them though, especially antibiotics, as much as possible.

Other things that I have used my oils for are: upset stomach, sore muscles, sore joints, tiredness, inability to sleep.....I am sure there are more. I also bought us girls some aromatherapy necklaces. They are shaped so you can put the oils in, put it won't spill out. I bought it particularly for Macey to see if it would help with her fidgeting and help calm her anxieties. I am studying more about oils that will help with that, but for now it seems to be working. They both love their necklaces. I have peppermint in my necklaces right now. It came in handy last week when we were driving a straight shot through the middle of the night to Salt Lake City. It takes 13-14 hours. I tried to sleep so I could drive. I drove for a bit and I just kept my necklace up by my nose and it sure did help a lot. It is one of my very favorite oils!

Other things in our house are still getting replaced with non-chemical versions ie. shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash, cleaners, soap, hand soap. I bought a bunch of stuff down in the states and I meant to get deodorant, and I totally forgot to get it! I am still kicking myself. Oh well. Next time.

I love finding new ways to use the oils. There is an oil for every ailment! Now if there was only an oil to get me to stop eating chocolate!

So, this is what has been on my mind the last few months. It has been an expensive path, but only because when I get interested in something, I am all in. I want it all and I want it now! I am only like that with certain things, but this has definitely been one of them. I am very set up with my oils and it makes me so happy! I love putting new bottles in with the rest of them. Some will be used way more than others, but as I learn more, I am sure I will get around to them all.

Our whole family loves the oils. Jar loves anything to do with Thieves. I totally love it too. I also use peppermint and wintergreen a lot for my hip. It is still really sore from surgery a few months ago. This weather hasn't really helped either. The girls love Peace & Calming, Valor, and Joy. The boys just love getting their oils put on. Normally I put it on their feet, so they will sit down and get their socks off. They know the routine! It is something that I plan on sticking with. If you ever want information on the oils or if you have something that is bugging and want to know what oils could help, just ask! I love talking about them!

Hippie ways

I really should be going to bed, but my mind just won't stop thinking about the new, cool things I have gotten myself into :)

I got back this evening from the states. I took all 4 kids by myself and stayed the night in Kalispell. I had a bunch of packages to pick up and a bit of shopping to do, so we went down, picked up my stuff and spent today shopping. I gotta say, I was a wee bit nervous to sleep at the hotel with the twins. We did it 3 weeks ago, and it was not a very fun night. The boys were up too late and they were up too early. Jar was around though, so he took the early risers for breakfast while I tried to get some more sleep. This time, it was me. They still went to bed late, but there were no tears. There was a bunch of laughter between the boys and happy shrieks, but no crying! It was really cute. They didn't even wake up too early! They definitely needed more sleep, but they slept until 8. Too bad the bed firmness and pillow softness and amount wasn't satisfactory with my sleep plans. Today would have been much better if the mom was well rested! It wasn't all that bad, but I had to work really hard to keep it together. I hate being out in public and giving them a reason to say I have bit off more than I can chew, or that I have too much to handle with my 4 kids. Not that it is anyone's business, but people seem to think it is. For example....today for lunch we went to Bajio's. We were in line and the lady in front of us turned and looked at us as we came around the corner and said "Oh my goodness! You need to have more babies!" Now, this might not sound too bad. But, her tone was extremely sarcastic and mean. It wasn't an "Oh, you have beautiful, well-behaved children! Please populate the world with more of them" type of tone. I was not too impressed and I normally smile at the stupid comments or questions that comes with twins, but this time I just looked at her and said "I actually would love to have more babies." She smiled and looked away. Now, if my kids were running around, screaming, looking haggard, then maybe I could agree with her, or not be so annoyed. Maybe. But, all 4 of them were quiet. No running. Clean clothes. Hair done. I realize all of this doesn't mean amazing children (mine are) but I feel that it should not be so intimidating to people to make them say stupid things. Anyways, can you tell this worked me up a little? A very nice lady came up to us while were eating and stopped and told me what a beautiful family I had. How nice. That is what you say to people with what you think is a lot of kids.

Anyways, where was I?

Packages that I picked up! So, I have become very interested in the whole preventative health field lately. I have always been interested, but have never really done much about it or knew much about it. I have started using essential oils through Young Living in the past couple of weeks and holy smokes! I do not know why I didn't start using them a long time ago! I am also getting into herbal remedies like homemade tinctures and salves. I am hoping that between the oils and the herbs I can be prepared to handle most of our sickness without medicine!

Along the same lines, I bought all of the stuff to make my own laundry detergent! I am not a frugal type. I love a good deal, but there are somethings that I will pay full price for. Tide laundry detergent is one of them. I am really trying to cut out excess chemicals though, so I thought I would give the homemade stuff a whirl and see if I like it. I added some of those Downy scent booster things, but other than that, everything is natural. I was hesitant to make it with Borax because it is an irritant, but I figured I would try it first and if we don't like it, find somebody who does and try out a new recipe! And get this, it should last me close to a year and it only cost me around $25 to make. What? Why didn't I know about this stuff sooner? Next on my list is to make my own shampoo and conditioner. I have tried the whole "no-poo" craze, but I didn't like it all that much. I am still trying to find a recipe that I really like. I am close to finding it. I will be tweaking a few different recipes I think.

Another thing that I am excited about is Bentonite Clay! I have always wanted to do a heavy metal detox and this stuff does that! I just had my first Bentonite Clay bath tonight. We shall see in a few days how I feel. The last month has been very cleansing. I started with a parasite cleanse. Oh.My.Lanta. I never actually saw a parasite, but wow! Ummmm, let's just say, it cleaned me out! It was awesome! I felt awful the first two days and then I felt really good. I started taking essentials oils that were supposed to help alkalize my body and cleanse. I started to get really itchy all over, but especially my palms. It finally went away, but it just showed me how unhealthy my body really was. I am sleeping more sound and I have more energy and I have much more patience. Probably because I am sleeping better :) Is it bad that I pushed the questing mark key to make my smiley emoticon because that is where it is on my ipad? Hahaha.

So, that is my new interest lately. Anybody that knows me well, knows that when I get into stuff like this, it is all or nothing. I can't just buy a little here or there. I even signed Jar up as a distributor underneath me for the oils because I wanted another diffuser ASAP and they are sold out until April unless you buy one of their beginner kits and it comes with it. I was desperate ok? I still need 3 more! Anybody wanna sign up and give me their diffusers? At least Jar is good and doesn't harass me too much. Especially this stuff. I have used the food storage approach to convince him it is a good investment. Which it is, but I find it is just another creative type of outlet for me. Something new. I like it.

Married Single Mom

I am a married single mom. Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes it's not.

The times I like it are at bedtime. I have a huge king-size bed all to myself....and the twins on and off through the night....but mostly to myself. No one snoring or breathing bad breath on me. Sometimes it's easier to get everybody out the door when it's just me. Go figure that one out! I don't have to cook for someone that has to have more than a salad or Ichiban or Kraft Dinner. I don't have to expect any kind of effort from any other parent, I know that if I want something done I need to do it myself. It's quiet time and just-me time when the kids are in bed. I can shut down and do my own thing. If this sounds like I am complaining about Daddy being home, I am not. These are just the times when I find it to be easier when Daddy is gone. Easier isn't always better!

The times I don't like being a married single mom are when it's raining cats and dogs and my roof is leaking all over everything and I twisted my ankle and something/someone crashed around in the garage and I have to clean it all up before bedtime kind of days. I will have to carry two babies around tomorrow and have the house cleaned and have everyone packed and drive to my parents' house this weekend. I don't like being a married single mom on those kind of days as much. When the power goes out and there is not much to do, I kinda like to have company around. When I run out of shows to watch or Netflix isn't working, I like having someone to get me more shows. My feet don't rub themselves. On nights like tonight when I am panicking about if I can remember how to load the gun....or thinking maybe it's easier to go out there with my metal Jesus bust....or my scrapbooking knife that is laying on my desk, right before I am going to go check out what is crashing around my garage...I'd rather not have to do any of it. Seriously though, I just ran and locked the deadbolt and the doorknob. Quick fix!

There is not much I can do about my situation. For the most part, it works. We are still trying to figure out things and adjust to it all, but we are extremely fortunate for Daddy to have such a great job! I am only by myself for 9 days at the most, but everything happens on those 7-9 days. Monsters bump in the night. Babies grow up. Kids lose teeth. Fall off bikes. Moms twist ankles.

Maybe tomorrow I will be brave enough to check out the garage in the daylight :)

P.S. - even though it is super awesome to sleep by myself in my ginormous bed and not be breathed on, it is still better to have Daddy home. I sacrifice like that :)

Milestones

Seriously, where does the time go?

The twins are 36 weeks and 3 days old today. That is how far along in my pregnancy I got with them. They just made it to day 3 by 2 hours, but since I didn't get to sleep the night they were born, it feels like they were 36 weeks and 2 days. I guess it doesn't really matter anyways. I can't believe they have been out as long as they have been in! They have teeth and are crawling all over and are trying to walk already!

I am an emotional mom. There is no hiding that. I have a love/hate relationship with milestones. This past month was filled with twin memories of last year. I found out last year that we were having twins on May 17th. It was the Thursday before the long weekend. I found out they were both boys the following Tuesday. That weekend we had gone up to Lacombe and we went and saw the movie What To Expect When You're Expecting. I loved the movie! It was the perfect movie for that weekend in particular. I remember telling the hubs after watching it that I was so glad that I saw it when I was pregnant and not in my i-hate-any-pregnant-person phase. It would have been way too hard to watch. Anyways, this year that whole weekend I was reminiscing about it all. We even watched the same movie. It was nice.

Another milestone.....my baby girl turned 7 last week! She is a great kid! And she truly is a kid now. It is so weird. I find I feel extremely inadequate when trying to discipline or explain things to her. She needs more than "Because I said so". She is a little mini adult and it is just going to get harder I suppose. Good thing she is such a good kid. The whole day of her birthday, I just kept thinking about what I was doing 7 years prior. It was not a good recollection. Her birth was more traumatizing than I could ever imagine. I know some people have had it worse, but I didn't realize how much it affected me until I had Macey. At the time I was so excited. She was perfect and I was finally a mom! I am glad each birth got progressively easier after that though. Who would've thought that having twins would be my easiest pregnancy and labor? Not me!

Macey is doing so well right now! Something must have just clicked somewhere along the line. She still has her moments. Like today. She cried and cried because she didn't want to put her clothes away by herself. She wasn't allowed to have supper until her clothes were put away. I was cooking supper and Mackie was watching the boys. So she cried. Mackinley finally helped her when she could and Macey was right as rain after that. She is one of the most kindhearted kids I have ever met though. She loves to give things to people. I know lots of kids do that, but she wanted to give something she liked very much to someone so they would like her as much as she liked them. It was so sweet. I almost cried.

We have had a crazy week. It has been full of cleaning an destruction and organizing and mess. We had a garage sale this past weekend. We still have a lot to sell, but it was nice to get some things cleaned out and organized a bit. I hate clutter and stuff. I hate keeping stuff just because. It's stuff. If we don't use it, get rid of it! If we need it down the line, we can always get a new one. That's my reasoning anyways. So the house is still a disaster from pulling everything out, but there is less to put away :) That is my project for the week. Get the house cleaned up. It needs to be ready to paint our room for next week! And we are going to buy a bed! We have been married for 8 years and we have never had a bed. We have always just put our mattresses on the ground. It's been fine, but we found the perfect bed and if all goes as planned, it will be up next week. I am so excited!

The boys room was finally painted a couple of weeks ago. They are no longer in a pink room. It is chocolate brown now and it looks really good. It will go well with the whole sock monkey theme I have going on for them.

Well, that's about it. I can hear some babies crying :)

Updates

So much has happened the last little while and things are continually changing around here. These kids are keeping me busy!

I guess a quick update will have to do!

First off, the twins. Oh, the twins! They are both sitting up! They are 6 1/2 months old already. They eat baby food. Walker took a bit longer to figure out the whole eating thing, but he is a champ now! Cooper is a bit more picky with what he likes to eat. Cooper popped out two teeth overnight 2 weeks ago! Walker is still toothless. Walker is my little mover. He has been rolling all over since he was 4 months old. He is so close to crawling already! Cooper is a brick. He can roll over. He just doesn't. He likes to just lie on his back. Walker likes to lie on his stomach. They are really good sleepers. They get up a few times to eat in the night, but they don't have play time. They still sleep better swaddled. They are so extremely different and I love it!

Macey is doing really well. Her outbursts have started to calm down again. Except this last weekend while we were in Salt Lake. Oh boy! I thought I was going to lose my mind! She is more work sometimes than the twins. She FINALLY can write her name. She refused for so long and now she just does it. She still needs a bit of help, but she will at least do it now! She is a huge helper and she normally likes to do it. She is a little tired of taking diapers to the garbage though. Can't say I blame her. Twin boys, enough said. I have worked really hard at trying to get her to be happy and everyday I can see a difference as long as I keep her scheduled and fed. She still eats all day long. She is still my hardest challenge, but she also brings some of my greatest joy. She talks non stop and is always hilarious. She is my feisty little girl!

Mackinley is doing really well in school. She has been busy! They went skiing last month and they are in swim lessons right now. She is a good little reader. It is fun to listen to her read books to the boys. She is not a little kid anymore :( She is turning into a kid. She is almost 7! She still hasn't lost any teeth yet though. I think I will be sad when she does. They are wiggly, so it's just a matter of time. I almost cried when Cooper got his first teeth. I really hope that Mackinley doesn't lose her first tooth when Walker gets his first tooth. I will be a mess! I love that my kids are growing up, but I hate it at the same time.

I know that we do want to have another baby sometime, but I also know that that doesn't mean we will. I am treasuring every moment with the boys because it might be my last firsts with them. It might be the last time we have baby giggles. It might be the last first teeth. The last learning-how-to-sit, or crawl, or walk, or talk. I gotta stop thinking about this stuff! It really gets to me for some reason. I hope it's not our last firsts, but I know that I am blessed to have 4 beautiful kids! I didn't even think I would be able to have that many. So I will just enjoy all of the 'firsts' that I still have with all 4 of them!

We are hoping to move soon. I want to be able to put our house up for sale in the next month or two. We love our house, but we have outgrown it. We could do a lot of work to get our family to fit in this house comfortably, but I am tired of renovations when hubby works away from home more than half the time. It takes FOREVER to get anything done. So, I'd rather just move and find a house that doesn't need any extensive work done and it fits us all. Plus, the money we would put in to an addition or whatever we would have to do, would just go towards a newer and bigger house. Makes sense to me. Plus, I could really use a bit more socializing. I have friends, but it is hard to get together with people out here especially with hubby's work. So, it just makes sense to move. Know of anybody that wants to buy a house out here?

I seem to talk mostly about my kids with little jabs of me here and there. Well, my kids are my whole world right now and yes, I do feel like I have lost 'myself' somewhere in there. I literally sit on the couch most days and do nothing but deal with babies. When they are all in bed I should be cleaning and doing laundry, and some nights I do, but a lot of the times, I just sit and do nothing. I catch up with my shows. I go on the computer. I just zone out. It is awesome. I love bedtime.

Mentally, I think I am handling these twins, well, all of the kids, pretty well. I don't stress out too much and I have been pretty happy. By the end of the day, yes, I am tired, but we have good days. I am actually quite surprised at how well we have done. Physically on the other hand.....let's just say I am not too happy. First, I am totally okay with being bigger right now. I understand I had twins. I understand that I am nursing twins and my body is doing what it needs to do to sustain two babies' lives. I really dislike having to buy a bunch of new clothes. I know eventually I will get rid of it, but I am a little disappointed that nursing twins hasn't melted the extra weight off. The problem with it all though is that it hurts. My fat that is. It is always tender, but now that I have more, it hurts more. I am constantly in pain in my joints and I am always really tired. I did decide to do some exercise to see if that would help, but it only made my exhaustion worse. I went to the doctor this week and had some blood work done. I haven't heard anything, which is good I guess. But I was hoping they would have some answers. 5 more months of nursing before I start weaning. Oh, and the last 2 months I have been dealing with a plugged milk duct. It started out as a plugged milk duct and then it turned into a milk bleb. I love that word. Bleb. Anyways, it is basically dried up milk that is stuck and it won't come out. It is sensitive and most of the time it is bearable, but some days it hurts pretty bad. About once every week or two it turns into a plugged duct and I deal with that for a day or two and it's good again. Only 5 more  months of nursing before I start to wean. Did I mention that already? Anyways, that is the worst of my problems, so I really can't complain. I can handle a bit of discomfort. I think it's worth it anyways. I love nursing my babies. I am not really pro breastfeeding and anti-bottle for the general population, but for myself I am. I never thought I would be a gung-ho nurser, but I am.

We just got back from Salt Lake on Monday. At 6 am. After driving for 14 hrs. Through the night. With 4 kids. Two of them 6 months old.  Everybody actually did pretty good. Saturday was our/my worst day. We went down with my parents for General Conference. I love being down there for Conference. Everybody had tickets for Saturday afternoon session and Jar had a ticket for the Priesthood session. Let me just back track a minute. Thursday we got up bright and early. We were on the road just after 6. We got to our hotel around 8 that night. Friday we were up and ready to leave the hotel at 9 in the morning. We didn't get back to the hotel until around 10:30 that night. Saturday morning we were up and ready to go by 9 in the morning again. We sat around Temple Square for the morning session. I headed over to the new mall to hang out and get some food with the kids, 4 of them that are lacking sleep, while everybody else was getting ready for the afternoon session. Macey decided that she had enough of anything and everything. I decided I had enough of Macey. It was great fun. The afternoon session was done, but because Jar still had Priesthood, we were kinda stuck still. Looking back, I really should have taken the kids back to the hotel, but I didn't want to deal with finding parking again. Plus, I didn't want to be driving around by myself in the big city. Once the session was done, the rest of the family left to go back to the hotel and meet with some other family. They eventually came back and we waited for Jar to get out and we got some really good food. It was late when we got back to the hotel again. Sunday, we slept in and took our time getting ready and packed up. We got out around noon and head over for the afternoon session. We hung out until 3:30 and left before it ended so we could get on the road without having to fight the traffic. The rest of my family stayed another day, but Jar had to fly out of Calgary Monday evening, so we had to get back. We/Jar drove all night and we got home and crashed. Mackinley didn't get to school until later that day. I think we are still recovering from our trip! It was fun though and I am glad we went. I want my children to be able to feel how amazing it is down there. I think it might take awhile before I mentally recover and consider doing something like that again, but it's done and we made some memories!

One of the reasons we went is because my brother Dawson got back from his mission almost  2 weeks ago now. He served in Seoul, Korea for 2 years. We wanted to be able to spend some time with him. We are heading back up to hear his homecoming talk in church this weekend and then we will be able to stay put for a bit. I think anyways. I hope!

Anyways, I think that is enough for now!